T'vari
by Tevari
Summary: She had lived a lifetime by his side. Now, everything had changed. Or had it? Eventual Spock/OC!
1. Chapter 1

Okay, so to get the usual out of the way: Anything you recognize, I do not own. i do own the female protagonist of this "story" (I'll get into that in a moment). So, T'vari is mine. I generally shy away from OC pairings, because I either don't like the MarySue effect that tends to creep in, or because I get jealous of those characters. This is the first time i actually decided to write/publish a story like this myself.

Now, T'vari was created when I first found out about the new movie and watched the trailers (had them running in the background for 10 hours straight during night shift for 4 weeks), so I had to work with what litte info there was: Spock (Prime) going back in time and changing the future. Simply, right? Yeah... Only that when I actually watched the movie, I found out that my perfectly created character... couldn't actually get her man... uhm... alien. Of course that didn't change the outcome, I would just have to remove some obstacles. So, taking the movie as it is I inserted her in there, slightly tweaking her until she would sort of fit in there.

She has been floating around my head ever since, giving me flashes of ideas, scenes and damnit if my muse didn't make me start write seemingly unrelated scenes at 5 am in the morning. This is it, really, the first scene I couldn't help but write. I have a few more scenes written up already, and decided to post them as one story, rather than a number of one shots, because it is essentially her story, after the new movie. I will most likely get into how I imagine her within the movie at some point, or her story before. I do not promise that the scenes will be linear or fitted together, but i think eventually it will become clearer.

Enough ramblings from me, on with the story.

She was laying on her back, in her quarters, in the dark. Surrounded by the sounds she thought she would never hear again. The low hum of the ship's engine, a gentle vibration one does not notice until it is suddenly gone. The miniscule lurge as the ship went to warp.

She was home.

She stared at the ceiling, listening to the sounds of long time past, reflecting on what she had seen in the last weeks, reflecting on how eveything had changed.

Her door chime went off, alerting her. She blinked once, her eyes the only thing moving towards the door before she sat up, quietly calling "Enter."

The door opened with a swishing sound, softly echoing in the silence of the darkened room, light filtering in through the opening, surrounding a familiar shape.

She squinted her eyes and lightly shook her head. Her visitor was not the person she had grown familiar with over a lifetime. She had not stood next to him in battle, both physical and diplomatic. Had not shared long evenings of companionable silence, working deep into the night. Had not...

She shook her head again and looked up.

"Yes, Spock?"

"I..." was that hesitation in his voice?

She got up from her bed, motioning the half vulcan scientist to come in and let the door close behind him.

"Lights, dim." she ordered the computer, and the room was flooded in enough light to make it comfortable for both of them to see.

"You wish to know more about... my past with him." she stated. It was not really a question, she already knew he would come to her sooner or later. He was, after all, a scientist. It was only logical.

Spock inclined his head, as he had done so often before, but he was so young, it was disconcerting. Even she had never known him this young. And she had known him for a long time.

She took a calming breath and motioned Spock to sit down.

"I will not tell you any more than what I am about to say. I will not influence you in that way."

She went to one corner of the room and picked up her tea making kit, a new one as she had not been able to take anything with her from her previous life, and started the old ritual he had once tought her.

"You already know why I am here."

Spock nodded slowly. She could almost see his mind running at warp speed.

"I was his protector for a long time. He saved my life and I vowed to protect him. I kept my promise. I came to know him better. I started to admire him. I trust him with my life. And when he says that I should stay with you now, to protect you, because he doesn't need protection where he is going, then that is what I will do. But, I would only do it for him. And I only do it, because it is you."

She held out a cup to Spock, who gingerly took it from her, seemlessly following that old ritual she had learnt from his counterpart.

"May I inquire as to who exactly you are?" He looked at her in that way, curiosity evident in his eyes, wondering.

She lowered her eyes. "I am T'vari. I have no home. No homeworld. No origin. When I was found I had no memory beyond the time I had spent among the local population. But is was obvious I was not part of them."

An eyebrow rose.

She took a deep breath. "When I came on board of the Enterprise, Bones had me checked out. He tried to find out where I came from." she shrugged. "He never was able to figure it out.

She could see in the way his head rose ever so slightly, the intake of breath, the small movement of the eyes, that he was about to argue on that topic.

"We have searched a lifetime for the answer, Spock. I am not sure it is even out there. I am who I am. I like who I am. And I have a job to do." A soft smile flittered across her lips.

She moved quietly, fluently over to stand before this young man who was so much like him and yet... Her hand cupped his cheek before she knew it had happened and her breath came harsher than her usually controled body functions.

His confused eyes were locked on hers, his breathing shallow, his skin tinting green. His mouth opened but no sound came out.

As quickly as it had happened, she turned away from him. "You should leave now, Spock." almost inaudible, but she knew he could hear her.

He stood up slowly, turning towards the door. She heard the tell-tale swish, saw the light shining in.

"Perhaps we can continue this discussion on another occation." He murmured softly. Then he was gone.

She breathed a sigh of relief. And dropped onto her knees.

This might be getting more complicated than originally anticipated.

Please comment *points at review button* and tell me if I should even bother putting up more scenes here, because I am still unsure how people react to T'vari. Thank you for reading this at all, I really appreciate it!


	2. Chapter 2

So, this is actually the third scene I wrote, but I felt I should put it in before the original second chapter, just to have a change of pace there. Not much happening in this scene, but it sets the mood between T'vari and the bridge crew a bit. You'll probably know why I chose to put this one in first once I post the next scene. Now off to write the next bit \o/

**ShiningGalaxy: **Whoo, my first reviewer \o/ Thank you so much, I am so glad you like it :D And yes, I should put a divider in there... That's what happens if you write way past your bedtime on a work night XD I hope you will keep enjoying the story!

**ikanaiX: **I know what you mean, it's really not too easy to write Spock in character, especially if you try to get him to do things that are un-Spock-y in so many ways. I really hope that I will be able to manage keeping him in character. JJ Abrams was kind enough to elicit emotional responses from him, so there is still hope! As long as he is himself again in the aftermath.

~~~~~~~~~~~ - devider \o/

It was a slow day on the bridge.

They were currently travelling at a lazy warp speed, not really supposed to be anywhere, just "exploring".

She was standing near the sience station, tucked into a corner, her long hair tied in a high ponytail, much like his Lt wore it. Only she had been wearing her hair like that for the past 150 years and it was the other woman who copied her!

She closed her eyes, painfully aware that her reaction was not logical, that the other woman was not imitating her. It was mere coincidence. And what reason would she have anyways? She already had everything, had him.

She took a deep, shaky breath, forcing calm over her mind. She didn't live by logic alone, did not follow the teachings of Surak which forced the vulcans as a race to abandon all emotions. Those on board were aware of the fact. Most had seen her smile softly at some point, or found that it was not like talking to a mashine when interacting with her. But, she had her pride.

Only because she allowed herself to feel, didn't mean she had to flaunt her emotions in front of everyone. A balance between a clear, focused mind and a healthy dose of emotional intuition had saved her life a hundred times. And his life... she had long ago stopped counting.

She slowly opened her eyes again, taking in the bridge and crew.

Chekov, so young and innocent, all enthusiasm and brains, leaning over his console, chatting quietly with the pilot to his left. The graceful asien man who was quiet, reserved, but unbelievably loyal, was listening to the young russian, a gentle smile curving his lips upwards while he kept his eyes on the front screen, staring at the stars as they passed by.

The Captain was, obviously, quite bored with the slow day, reclining in his chair, head lazily propped up on a hand. She could see his jaw clench, trying to suppress a yawn. He sat up suddenly when a yeoman, a blonde girl, barely out of her teens from the looks of it, cmae to stand next to him, handing him a PADD to sign.

He did, of course, murmuring something and throwing his trademark grin in her direction as he gave back the PADD, his eyes following her all the way into the elevator.

She would never understand Jim Kirk's fixation on women who looked like a breeze could break them in half.

Her visual journey brought her ever closer to the man standing to her left, just around the small corner she was leaning against, but there was one obstacle in her way, and she was almost afraid to go there.

Her eyes fell on the communications officer, her dark hair long, like her own, although her colouring was slightly off, a chestnut shimmer absent from her own pitch black tresses. Her skin was smooth, like dark chocolate, her figure lithe, yet robust. Not like that yeoman, more like herself. A warrior lurking beneath the surface. Her eyes were large and round, gently tilted. And they were directed at her.

For a long moment they stared at each other, both with an unreadable expression on their faces, although she could imagine what had to go through her head.

She dropped her gaze first, maybe feeling guilty, although she would never admit it. Their situation was complicated and although she stood by her words, the vow she had given the other woman shortly after she had come aboard and boldly declared that she was sent to protect the half vulcan, more than ever now, that there were so few vulcans left, and that they had better get used to it because she would rather die than leave her post, she knew her mere presence changed the delicate balance between the pair. Because she knew, what could be, if he was only looking at her like the other had, is she would persue that which to her felt as natural as breathing. But, he had to come with strings attached in this timeline and she had promised not to take him away from her.

Of course she had also pointed out that, although she would not encourage him, she would not discourage him either and if he decided to turn to her, who would she be to deny him? Because who would know better than the human communications officer, that you just can't say no if Spock has made a decision.

It would be a long day indeed. And now she was restless.

Damn.

Reviews make my day! Don't you feel like making my day? ö.ö


	3. Chapter 3

Okay, so this is another scene, again in her room, but this time a bit more mysterious... and, well, creepy. Still not much known about the girl, I'm deliberately keeping that vague. I have her all detailed out, although her actual origin story is still in flux. like heritage and how exactly she came to know Spock Prime. And yes, i have written her into the movie (in my head) which i may or may not add to this story, I don't know yet.

**ShiningGalaxy:** Thank you for your welcome wishes! It's been a long time since I was active as a writer on this page. I just decided that 10 years are too long to just reactivate the old account, so I made a new one for the new me. Go me \o/

Slowly the darkness that was wrapped around her mind lifted.

She became aware of her surroundings, one sense at a time.

The feel of soft sheets against her naked skin.

The air, warmer than regulation dictates on bord a starship, wrapping around her.

Her breath, slow, deep, her body still mostly asleep.

It was quiet in the room. As quiet as it gets, inside a big ship made entirely of metal, with the engines constantly purring, a vibration that can keep you awake as much as it can lull you to sleep.

A soft sound reached her ear. Not part of the normal ship sounds, almost like a ghost. But she knew.

She felt him, knew he was the reason her survival instincts had kicked in, pulling her from her light slumber.

She dared not move, keeping her breathing even, her eyes closed for a bit longer, keep him there for just a moment more, even if she was deluding herself. He was not hers. Would never be. Not in this timeline.

She swallowed, holding back the waves of sorrow lapping at her conciousness.

A roustle of clothes, silent footsteps.

She opened her eyes, sat up. One hand held the bedsheet to her body while the other reached out for him, before dropping back down in her lap.

"Don't!" she bit her lip, lowering her gaze. "...go. Don't go." her voice was low, a mere whisper, but she knew he had heard her.

He stopped dead in his tracks. Turned his dark gaze at her and looked. Just looked. As if it was completely normal to stand in the quarters of another person. A sleeping person.

She forced herself to look at him, a soft, sad smile on her lips.

"Some people would be offended to find a strange man in their bedrooms in the middle of the night."

He clasped his hands behind his back. He was not wearing his uniform, she noticed, but rather what would be considered a casual, vulcan style robe. Her Spock had had one of those. He always wore it, when they were alone and he felt disconnected from his vulcan side.

"Sit down, Spock." she sighed. "I will not courtmarshal you. Not today..."

She sat up further, tugging the bedsheet around her and securing it beneath her arms.

He took a look around the room and found the Starfleet regulation chair at the Starfleet regulation desk, pulled it out and sat down. He still didn't make any attempt to defend himself. Or to explain himself at all.

She brushed her long, black hair behind her ear, composing herself. "So, what has compelled you to visit me at this hour, Spock?"

His brow furrowed slightly, a clear sign of confusion, at least if you knew how to read the stoic vulcan. "I... am not certain." he spoke at last, just a hint of hesitation in his voice, his tone so soft, had she been human she would have missed it. He knew it as well as her. They were equals among strangers. And yet, they could not be more different.

She suppressed a sigh and slightly cocked her head. One finely arched eyebrow rising. "You do not know?"

A long silence ensued. "That is correct."

"Then perhaps..." she dropped her legs over the side of the bed, planting her feet on the floor. "you should meditate on it."

In one fluid motion she stood, moving as gracefully as possible, wrapped in a bedsheet as she was, to the bathroom, where she knew she had left her robe after her sonic shower earlier. "You may want to keep this little visit from your Lieutenant though." she called. "She may not take kindly to your visiting another woman's quarters in this manner."

She stepped back out, now dressed in casual vulcan meditation robe, a present from the other, a parting gift. She rubbed her hands over her arms as the thought chilled her, even in the warm temperature of the room.

"You are correct, she would not condone my actions." his eyes were on her hands. She could see his mind racing at the gesture. He still had not figured her out.

She had to stifle a laugh. How could he? He barely met her and their relationship was stricktly business. Except that he had sneaked into her bedroom to watch her sleep.

Her gaze met his and held it for a long moment. Se broke contact. He had been reading her. She didn't try to act against her emotions, she grew up expressing herself freely. Oh, she could slip on the vulcan mask easily enough. She'd had ample practice. Anything else would have been foolish, would have made her visible among the Federation races. But she had stopped doing so with him long ago. And this one, he was so much like him, so young, yet so much potential to become the man she had grown to love. She had slipped.

And he had caught it.

She took a deep breath."If you find out, please inform me. I am most curious about it." and there was a ghost of a smile on her lips and she knew it.

He nodded and stood, standing in front of her in 3 long strides. He looked down at her with that intense, heated gaze, full of questions, but he knew she couldn't, wouldn't provide them. He would have to figure it out himself.

She could see the flash, the challenge was accepted.

"I apologize for the intrusion." he murmured, his facial lines softened somewhat as his eyes flickered over her face. "Sleep well, T'vari. I shall inform you of my findings."

She bowed her head in acknowledgement and smiled softly.

With those words he left her room, the door closing behind him, leaving her slightly shaken.

The way he had said her name, all soft murmur and dark promise. She swallowed, shook her head and walked over to her desk. It was not his intention to sound like that. He probably didn't even notice the way her name rolled over his lips.

She grabbed a PADD and reclined back on the bed. She wouldn't be able to sleep anymore, not after that. She decided to read up on this timeline's history some more. Where the differences were. The subtle changes made by Nero's arrival 25 years prior, where she might, in casual conversation, trip and assume wrongly.

Soon she was immersed in her reading, pushing away any thoughts on what the late night visit could mean for her future.


	4. Chapter 4

Another chapter and do I see structure at the horizon? I do, actually! :O From here on out the story is actually following a continuous line! I can't really believe it myself ^^;

**ShiningGalaxy:** Thank you so much for your continuing support and reviews 3 You just keep making my day :D

**Mauveine:** Thank you so much for your kind words! I am glad to hear Tvari is likable! \o/ (I also think I should get more reviews, but I cherrish every one of those I get!)

Her blood was singing with adrenalin, rushing through her system as she pressed her vulcan protegee to a wall behind her.

It had been a simple away mission, start diplomatic relationships with the members of a planet that was so far neutral, yet advanced enough to be considered a candidate for membership in the Federation.

Everything seemed to go smoothly, The Captain, Spock, herself and a Federation Ambassador, a highly decorated human with a self rightous air, had beamed down to an open field, dusty and dry, with ruins in the back, and a delegation of natives slowly approaching them.

Her eyes focused on any signs of weapons, or other threats, but everything looked good, considering.

She did not know what triggered the following events, but as soon as she noticed the shifting in the aliens' body language, she shouted a warning, jerking everyone into action. Phasers were drawn, cover was searched and T'vari pushed Spock into the ruins, hiding in what looked like the leftovers of a farmhouse, putting her into her current position.

She could hear phaserfire bombarding the general area of her hiding place and knew, they couldn't stay there much longer.

Spock behind her pulled out his communicator, trying to reach the Enterprise, but all they got was static. Something had to be blocking them.

She took in her surroundings and there was only one other way out, a side door. From her mental plan of the outside structure, she knew they would be seen the moment they exited through either door.

She turned to Spock. "Follow me to the other exit. I will go first!" she shouted over the near constant combat noises. "You come out after me and move away from the battle as quickly as you can. I saw what appears to be some kind of forest behind the ruins. You have to find cover there! I will join you there!"

Spock shook his head. "We have to get the Captain!" he shouted back and she followed his gaze out a narrow crakc in a wall to her left.

She swore.

The Captain was trapped behind a rock, phaser fire exploding the earth all around him. He didn't even have the time to fire back.

Taking another look around she nodded slowly. "You stay here. I can't worry about you while I go out there. And if I don't make it, try to get to the trees and contact the ship." Not waiting for a response she took off, leaving through the front entrance, firing in the general direction of their attackers with both her phaser guns, curtesy of the Romulan Empire before it's destruction.

As she slid in behind the rock next to Kirk, a stray phaser beam hit her in the shoulder, making her wince. She looked down and found blood trickling from the wound where the fire had hit her. So not the standard stun gun, these things were nasty.

Breathing heavily she turned her head, flashing a grim grin at the Captain. "Cavalry's in." she declared. looking around the rock for a better view.

Kirk flashed her a grin in return. "You and what army?" he joked, before looking around for another way out.

"I am the army." she replied, pulling her legs up under her and coming to her feet, crowching low. "Get ready, we have to get to that house. Spock is inside." She turned an almost accusatory look at the human. "He wouldn't leave without you."

Kirk nodded. "He is stubborn that way:" he murmured, also coming up into a crouch.

A smile flittered over her face. "I know another who is like that." She looked him square in the eye. "Stay behind me. Move as fast as you can. And no heroics. I would like to get through this alive."

She could see his face groow seriious. He knew, the time for jokes was over. He nodded once.

She counted down on her fingers before standing up and firing both of her weapons while moving sideways to the building. Kirk was matching her pace, keeping behind her, getting a few phaser shot in from around her waist while doing his hardest not to trip. Just as they were in front of the door, just two steps back to get to shelter, she felt her thigh explode with pain.

She lost her balance, falling but felt surprisingly stong arms - for a human - wrap around her midsection, pulling her back to relative safety. Once she realised what he was doing, she just let him drag her, going back to shooting the bad guys.

Once they were covered she shecked on Kirk. He had come through unhurt, which was a relief for her. Her eyes fell on Spock who, stoically as ever, had opened up the communicator and was working on, what she assumed was a solution to their communications problem.

He looked up briefly, acknoledging that they were both alive and out of immediate danger. "Captain, do you still have your communicator?" he asked, his brows furrowed in concentration.

"Yeah, why?" He handed it over without hesitation.

"Because i believe I can get around the shielding, but I will need more strength in the signal. by combining these two devices, I shoudl be able to achieve that."

Kirk nodded. "I trust you, Spock."

The science officer looked up at Kirk, an eyebrow raised in what she could only translate as astonishment. She smiled softly. These two had come far since their first less than foruntate encounters.

She looked around the doorframe again, noticing that the fire had died down. "Spock, either you get this thing going right now, or we have to get moving. We are getting company."

Spock didn't respond but turned over the communicator, calling the Enterprise.

She had never been happier to hear Scotty's voice. Unfortuantely there was some kind of shield up around the area they were in and they actually had to get to the forest she had noticed earlier to be able to beam out.

It was Kirk's turn to swear.

"Understood, Mr. Scott, we will contact you as soon as we reach the forest. Spock out." he secured the device on his belt, then turned to the others.

"Are you able to move?" he asked, looking at T'vari's thigh. She nodded, biting the inside of her cheek as she used Kirk's shoulder to get herself upright.

Her leg was trembling and she felt blood ooze down her skin. "Not like I have much of a choice." She waved Kirk to move towards the side entrance.

Kirk looked around the corner into the clouds of dust. "We just have to make a run for it. The dust will settle soon and once it does, we'll be perfect target practice. At least the constant fire has stopped."

They looked at each other, nodded grimly, and started running.

She could hear shouts behind them, as they were about half way to the forest line, her leg buckling beneath her with every step, her shoulder screaming. She pushed herself further.

They were almost there when the first shots rang out behind them. T'vari tried to keep herself between her ship mates and the attackers. After all she was expendable.

She saw Kirk disappear into the underbush. Then Spock. As she was about to do the same, another shot rang out, hitting her square in the back. She screamed and fell. The world blacked out around her, before she hit the ground.

Okay, so this time there will definitely be a follow up to this scene. I stopped here because it was (again) already past my bedtime .

And maybe it's because I keep forgetting to say it, but reviews are love! Leave one!


	5. Chapter 5

Okay, this one is really short. . sorry. I will make it up to you and post the next one real quick. I was first debating if I even let her be captured. But it kind of wrote itself. And seeing as I didn't want to actually write the torture scene, this is it, I had to put in this little interlude before we return to the Enterprise. And finally Bones will get his grumpy ass into the mix :P

**rebelgoddess19:** Yes the plot, or rather sub plot changes quickly, at least up to this point, but I did explain that in the notes on the first chapter. When I started writing this is was just scenes that popped into my head :) But a bit of plot has been seen on the horizon, although so far not much is explained, at least there is a string from here on out.

**ShiningGalaxy:** You just keep making my day :D Yeah, I felt the pace of the story had to change a bit to net become too repeatative. It's not Romulans.:) When I started that scene I was thinking random planet on 5 year mission without going into it much. I'e written a few chapters further and right now I am struggling to put a face to them. Will have to see if I go back to them having an active part or just mentioning them on the side. I think the matte will need some sort of conclusion.

**XxCheshireGrinxX:** I am sorry about it being hard to follow, action scens are not my strong suit. But I do hope it was acceptable, the story needed something to happen. :)

**NightStalkerBlade: **Thank you for your kind words :) I know it's confusing, I am sorry about that, but this story writes itself mostly, I'm not pre-planning it in more than a rough sketch.

She was hurting.

Pain was all that was left, her entire world.

She was even too tired to open her eyes anymore. She was lying on the cold stone floor, her burning cheek pressed to the sandy surface. Every muscle screamed. Her thigh, shoulder and back throbbed with ever beat of her heart. She had noticeed the intervals between waves of pain becoming longer, very slowly her body was giving up. She was giving up.

She had long ago stopped keeping track of time. It was hard to focus on that if your entire body is subjugated to pain. Relentless, ongoing.

Questions thrown at her. Demands she betray her loyalties.

She'd rather bite off her own tongue. She almost had, in a particularly painful convulsion.

The ground beneath her was wet. Some of it water, they had tossed it at her to keep her awake. Some of it blood. She was not sure how much of it was which, but it didn't help with the shivers.

She had tried to meditate. Had tried to enter a healing trance, but tehy wouldn't let her, after the first time, when they noticed just what she was doing. They checked on her often, makign sure she was awake. Or at least genuinely unconcious.

Her mouth was try. Her lip torn and swelling, like her tongue where she had bit into it.

She heard footsteps.

She tried to curl her body into a ball, shut out the harsh reality. She couldn't even make her body move.

Voices rang in her ears. Low, frantic voices. She was turned onto her back.

She forced her eyes open, just a little bit. Those hands holding her weren't the rough hands of the guards, or the cold ones of her interrogators.

She registered warmth where they touched her. A low groan escaped her lips.

She was shushed. There was the sound of a communicator. She swallowed dryly. Her throat felt like sandpaper.

"S-pock..." she whispered. A shiver ran through her. Her hand clawed at his uniform cuff weakly.

He was looking at her,his free hand removing her hand gently from his sleeve.

"I am here." he said, calmly as ever, but she heard the subtle nuance, a gentle undertone. He pitied her.

"I... did not break..." she rasped with the last of her stength. As the tranporter lights surrounded her, she succumbed to the darkness once again, knowing that this time, she was in safe hands.


	6. Chapter 6

As promised, an earl update. This scene is slightly longer, but I fear the next update will only come between the years, after the christmas hustle is over. It's a very long chappy though and it will include more 1on1 time for our pointy eared ones \o/

**ShiningGalaxy:** As always, thank you so much for your kind words! /feels humbly lectured. I shall pass it on to another if I ever find such an apology! And Merry christmas to you too! I hope you will have a lovely time.

**Ac Colins:** You made me blush. At work. (well, in my break but still :3). Made me survive the rest of the shift, thank you so much for your support!

**OoODarkLuniaOoO:** I am very happy to hear that you like my girl. Oh, and do give me a heads up if you decide on posting your story! I'd be very interested in reading it.

Also, it has to be said, a big thanks to everyone who has taken the time to read the story, I keep being amazed that people appear to come back or keep reading through the first chapters! I love oyu all! Now off to write the next chappy!

She felt conciousness tugging at her mind.

There was light, behind her closed eyelids. Sounds assaulted her ears. A monotonous beeping sound from somewhere above her head. A heartbeat, her sluggish mind supplied. Her own, she realised. She had to be in a sickbay.

Next voices assaulted her. One utterly calm while the other was almost shouting.

Her mental self smiled. Her muscles wouldn't react yet.

"She has to rest, Spock! You saw the state she was in, man, I can't wake her up because you want to question her!"

She recognised the grumpy voice. Bones McCoy.

She willed her body to respond, gently moved her jaw, feeling her cheek still tender from her injuries. She swallowed. "It is quite alright, Doctor, I am awake." her voice was more stable than she felt, a fact she was eternally thankful for.

Next step, to open her eyes. She forced her eyelids apart, slowly, blinking the blurry figures above her into focus.

The good doctor was waving a scanner over her body before looking into her face, smiling softly. "Welcome back, Te."

Her eyes wanted to close again. She wouldn't let them. Instead she finally forced that smile onto her lips. "Good to be back." her voice was rough. She swallowed again.

Memories came flooding back. Memories of screams, her own, she realised as her body began remembering the pain.

"How long... was I out?" Her eyes searched the face of the quiet science officer on the other side of her bed.

"3 days, and 6.8 hours." the vulcan supplied, looking her over calmly.

She nodded, feeling what little energy she had drain from her body.

"Are you able to give a recount of your time in captivity?" something was off about Spock. She had trouble pinpointing it, hardly being able to keep herself awake. He was... distant. Even for him.

"By god, man! Can't you see that she is barely able to stay awake? Give her a break, you cold hearted basterd!" McCoy stemmed his fists into his sides.

Spock turned towards the doctor with a stony expression. "We have to know what happened on the planet. We are unable to decide on a course of action, until we have a detailed account from T'vari. We have to seize the opportunity while she is awake."

McCoy shook his head, his mouth hanging slightly open in amazed shock.

"We are not able to wait forever. If she can not give us the information we need, I will be forced to extract them from her. While this is a very... private undertaking, that should not be done without consent of both participating parties, I may be forced to do so regardless. We are running out of time, Doctor."

That woke her up like nothing else. Her eyes widened, adrenalin momentarily making her forget about her drowsiness as well as her discomfort.

She raised her head, upper body, leaning on her elbows. "No! No, you will not do that! Spock, no mind meld. Don't you dare!" She crawled back up on the biobed until she was touching the beeping headboard with her skull. "You can't mind meld with me, Spock! You don't know the damage that could do!"

She was pressed against the wall now, legs pulled up against her chest as far as they would go, considering pain had started to explode all over her body as soon as she had reached a semi upright position. Her arms trembled under the strain of keeping her upright.

"Young lady, lay back down on the bed this instant! You are not able to move yet!" McCoy's voice was firm as he unfolded her legs gently, but that was as far as she would let him manipulate her.

her eyes were burning holes into Spocks, unblinkingly trying to make him understand he couldn't meld with her.

After what seemed like forever, the vulcan nodded curtly.

"I will give you my report, but stay the hell away from my head." she murmured while the doctor murmured something about stubborn pointy eared people and just pulled up the bedsheet to cover the girl in her current position. "But make it quick, I don't have all day. And neither has she, judging from the speed at which her energy is fading again."

She nodded. "Thank you, Bo... Doctor."

Spock looked at her expectantly.

"When I first woke I was myself in the cell where you found me. It wasn't long before I was brought into a seperate room, strapped to a chair, and was interrogated."

"What did they want to know?" Spock inserted while she swallowed again. She glared at him.

"Do you want to hear this, or not?" He nodded slowly, mootioning her to continue. "They wanted to know tactical details. About Starfleet, the Federation, the Enterprise specifically. They tried to find out what they are dealing with. I believe, their intentions are aggressive in nature. Possibly set to expanding. When I wouldn't talk they... used force."

Her mind wandered back to that sheer blanket of pain, the way every nerve ending, every cell had screamed in agony. Her eyes lost her focus. She stared at the bed cover, picking at some invisible dirt. Her voice lost all life. "I considered it." her throat closed up. "I actually considered telling them what they wanted to know." barely a whisper now, she squeezed her eyes shut, turning her head away from that calm, calculating gaze.

It all made sense to her now. She wasn't worthy of his attention, of his time. She had, if only on a mental level, given in to the torture, had lost her resolve.

"Okay, that's enough now. You heard enough now. Let her rest. I am sure Jim will be happy to hear your recount of her story as quickly as possible." he made a shooing gesture at the first officer, then turned back to his patient. "And you, lay back down now. You didn't break, and you are alive. Now, do whjat you pointy eared people do and go into that healing trance because, by god, you need it if you want to leave sickbay any time soon."

He helped her lie down and a soft smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "Doctor, you will find that there are subtle differences between myself and Mr. Spock. I am unable to attain the level of trance necessary to heal as you knwo it from other vulcanoids."

She looked at Spock, expecting to see understanding there, or at least acceptance at her difference from him, but all she found was mild curiousity. Perhaps a touch of confusion. He smile died on her lips. "I had thought you of all people would have noticed by now." she whispered. Her head touched the pillow behind her. "Ah, it's just as well you don't." she murmured, as sleep claimed her.

*points at review button* Please make my day!


	7. Chapter 7

Oh dear, I think this is the longest chapter yet. I thought about splitting it, but really it would have killed the mood. And I didn't want to 2 more chapters... essentially... in her room. Not that there is much choice in location on board of a star ship, mind you. Take it as compensation for the extemely short chapter 2 updates ago. :)

That was 1 and a half hours solid work, meaning I should have been alseep thirty minutes ago. Ah well almost weekend for me \o/

**Ac Colins:** Thank you :) I relly appreciate your enthusiasm for this story!

**ThePaperLantern:** I'm so glad that the characterizations seem to work out! It can be quite a pain :)

It took her another 2 days of trying to force herself into a semblance of a healing trance, as Spock had once taught her, a lifetime ago, until Doctor McCoy allowed her to leave sickbay.

And although she had been asleep for most of her stay, she was well aware that the vulcan sience officer had not returned once.

Of course, it made sense, he knew she was out of danger, there was no logical reason to return. Of course the fact that this man had not shared a lifetime with her and was, in fact, in no way ascociated to her, other than her telling him she would protect him for as long as they both lived.

Yeah, that had gone well.

A dry chuckle excaped her lips as she made her way slowly to her quarters. Her mind was wandering. Her feet found their way to her quarters automatically. She had lived in them before. One good thing about her vulcan being an Ambassador, if only in name these days. He had made sure she got her old quarters back. He'd had his reasons.

She lowered her eyes sadly to the floor, staring at her feet as they kept walking. He had, of course, not been aware of the full situation at the time. Like, that his younger self was not living in the adjacant rooms, that the rooms next to hers were in fact empty. he had chosen to share her quarters.

Well, not exactly. She demanded his presence in her private life to an extent, that bordered on uncomfortable. Most likely in compensation to having to hold back so fiercely in public.

Her head rose, eyes following, taking in her door. She hadn't even noticed she had arrived.

She shook her head slightly to clear it and swayed a little. She knew she wasn't fully healed and McCoy had only released her under strict order to rest. And she shouldn't even think about showing up on the bridge before he cleared her, or he would have her dragged back to sickbay personally.

His words.

She put in her security code to open the door, took one precise step inside, heard the door close behind her with a soft whoosh, taking the artificial light with her.

She ordered the lights in her room to a dim glow, enough to find her way around, but without the glare of electricity. If she quinted just right, she could almost imagine it to be candlelight bathing her in it's warm glow. Almost.

She sighed, moved further into the room. Her gaze fell on the mirror over her vanity table and froze. She looked like hell. Her face was pale, except for the still tender side of her face, where new skin had been regrown, but there was still green and brown bruising around her eye. She had also lost weight and her hair was a mess. She felt dirty.

Stripping off her clothes, curtesy of the sickbay, she went for the sonic shower. After an eternity of trying to get herself clean, inside and out, she emerged from her bathroom, wrapped in a traditional vulcan robe.

She sat down in front of the mirror, lighting her one candle to add to the comfort of her own space, grabbed her comb and started the tedious process of untangling her hair. She was halfway through the left side when her door chimed, announcing a visitor.

A soft sigh escaped her and she felt suddenly very tired.

"Come in." she spoke softly, her eyes never leaving her mirror. Perhaps she should just cut off her hair and be done with it. She was quickly loosing her patience with it.

In the reflection her gaze was pulled to the large, quiet figure standing near the door. For a long moment neither of them moved. She didn't even dare breathe.

Then, just as quickly as the moment had come, it ended when her comb tangled in her black strands again, tugging her head to the side painfully. She looked away, fronwning frustratedly at the comb.

Before she knew it a long, slender hand had taken the offending object from her fingers and began methodically, slowly, but impossibly gently untangling her tresses, one small strand at a time.

Her eyes met his in the mirror again and held his dark, penetrating gaze. Her body relaxed slowly into his ministrations, her face loosing it's frustrated tension. She felt like purring.

His voice, when he finally spoke, was so soft, she almost missed it. "May I ask a personal query?"

She blinked slowly, gently cocking her head. "Of course." she breathed.

He was quiet a long moment, immersing himself in the task of untangling an especially unruly bird's nest. If she didn't know better, she would have thought he was stalling.

"At our last meeting, you reacted strongly at the prospect of a mind meld."

She nodded slowly, understanding suddenly the reason for his visit. He was curious. "I told you before, I would not... influence you in your decisions. You are not him, yet if you knew some of the things I know, you may be swayed onto paths you would not, normally choose."

He seemed to think about this for a long moment. Then nodded. "You spent time with the other... Spock."

"Indeed. You could say I know him rather well. I am not willing to subject you to his life, his decisions, and I know if you were to meld with me, you would be. I couldn't do that to you." her voice was low, almost a whisper by the time she finished, her eyes glued to the hands in her lap.

"You were trying to protect me." When she looked up, startled at the tone of his voice, she found the same puzzlement on his face, his raised brow, cocked head and thoughtful expression.

A heartbeat passed. And another. "Of course I tried to protect you! What did you think? I told you I am here to protect you."

He let a strand of her hair glide through his fingers absentmindedly. "I... Perhaps I did not understand then, in how many ways I could be... protected." he conceded quietly.

He resumed his task on the other side of her head, shifting to stand over her right shoulder now. She also shifter to accomodate the new angle at which she could watch him in the mirror.

Another silence ensued, but it was not uncomfortable. Rather, it felt natural to her, like so many nights spent in the next room, lying on his bed, reading a PADD while he worked, sometimes until deep into the night. Their shared meditations. But most of all the times when he would sit on the couch in his room, reasing some report or another, while she rested her head in his lap, her own reading material in her hands and his hand absentmindedly stroking her hair. He had always claimed her hair was 'fascinating' him. She smiled softly at the memory.

And now she was watching a much younger version of that man, gently untangling the mass of hair she called her own, a look of deep concentration on his face.

"May I also ask a personal question, Spock?"

He looked up, almost surprised at being startled out of his thoughts. "Of course."

She took a moment to compose herself. "Why... were you really in my room the other day? When I was asleep?"

He blinked. "I... had to test something."

She looked at him funny. "Test something?" That made her feel better abotu the incident. Not.

He nodded. "A phenomenon I have... not experienced before."

"Spock, if you don't want to tell me that is okay, but don't make me sound like a parrot." She knew she was running low on energy when she started to loose her patience. But if she didn't push on now, he would never tell her. And she had to admit, she was a bit creeped out by his recent behavior. Not that she would ever say that out loud.

"You are aware of the vulcan... reproductive cycle, I assume?" He raised an eyebrow, looking at her as if to dare her not to know. He must be feeling very uncomfortable talking about such a taboo topic.

It didn't help her either, noting the direction the conversation was going in. "Pon Farr." she breathed.

"Indeed." He paused, putting the comb down on her dresser before folding his hands behind his back. One of his defensive mechanisms, she noted. "Between cycles Vulcans do not, generally, indulge in sexual activity of any kind. They do not react to stimuli like other races would."

She nodded. "Like Kirk."

The corner of his mouth twitched in a most subtle way. Had she not aimed for that reaction and monitored his face, she would have missed it. "Yes, like the Captain." he said drily. "It is unclear if the lack of response is due to the teachings of Surak, therefore, upbringing and custom, or of biological nature. We do not feel arousal outside the Pon Farr."

She gazed at him intently. "But you are not completely vulcan." she spoke in a hushed whisper.

"Again, a correct observation. And yet, I have always considered myself, biologically, vulcan."

She nodded. frowned. "You have never... experienced... sexual attraction before." it was more of a puzzled statement, than a question. Therefore he did not answer.

The silence grew between them until it was almost deafening, while she counted 2 and 2 together and arrived at: "Not even with the Lieutenant?"

He avoided her gaze in the mirror. A sudden revelation. "Have you felt such an attraction... under different circumstances?"

He looked pointedly at her, his eyes boring holes into her. He didn't want to have to say it out loud, she realized.

"I have... consented to a relationship with Lieutenant Uhura because our intelects are compatible. It was the logical thing to do at the time." his head was heald just a fraction higher than normal. He tried to justify his decision.

"But now you doubt that decision. And I am the reason. " she spoke matter of factly now. "My mere presence is disrupting your life in a way I had tried to avoid by denying the mind meld."

She looked up at him, over her shoulder, this time, rather than through the mirror. Her eyes were blazing. "I will not leave." she stated firmly. "He told me to protect you in his stead. I will always follow his demands. I did not mean to disrupt your life, but I can not leave you unprotected."

"I have expected nothing less." he said. She felt herself blush. "But that still leaves me with a situation that needs a solution. And I am not willing to act without having viewed it from every possible angle."

She smiled. "And that, Spock, is no less than I had expected from you." she got up and turned to face him. "If you wish to discuss the topic, logically, or if you need my assistance in coming to a solution, I am always available."

He bowed his head slightly. "Thank you, T'vari. I will keep that in mind."

She bowed her head in response. "But if you don't mind," she tried to suppress a yawn. "the good doctor was very specific about my resting."

"Of course." He turned to leave. At the door he turned one last time. "I am... glad that you are back well and safe."

Through a curtain of her hair she looked at him sideways. "Thank you. I know you were coming to get me." she said softly, as he left the room and she went to her bed.

She dropped her robe, slipped between the covers and was asleep before she could order the lights off.

I know you want to make my day *points at review button* please do!


	8. Chapter 8

Just to let everyone know due to my being on night shift for the next 4 weeks and my brain not agreeing with night shift, updates may be slower for a while. It's hard to write when you are dead on your feet. :S

**Mauvine:** FIrst of all, it's okay, I know the problem. :) Also thank you for reviewing anyways! :D Happy to know you enjoyed it!

**Ac Colins:** Here's more! It wasn't easy writing that last chapter, especially because it's Spock. I'm glad it finds approval!

A week after her heart to heart with Spock found T'vari back in sickbay for her checkup.

Laying back on the bed she let Doctor McCoy prod and poke her, scan her, and do a lot more that she thought necessary.

"Bo... Doctor, I assure you, I am fine. I am perfectly capable of returning to my duties." she stated calmly as McCoy sweeped her body again with his scanner.

"I am the doctor here, Missy, and I say if you are fine or not." he grouched, reading his scanner before placing it down on a nearby table.

He started preparing a hypospray, murmuring quietly: "I figured it out, you know..."

The girl turned her head awkwardly, frowning. "Figured out what?"

His eyes met hers. They were hard. "Subtle differences." he quoted her own words, once so carelessly uttered when she was still weak from her ordeal on the planet.

She froze. Her heart stopped beating, her breath held tightly as her brain ran at warp 9, trying to find a way out of this. There was none and she knew it. She sagged, closing her eyes for a moment.

As McCoy turned away to get something she grabbed his wrist firmly between her fingers. "Bones... please..." She wasn't sure what she was asking for, how she could ask this of him. How had she ever let herself get into this situation?

His gaze was unreadable.

"Please don't..." she swallowed. Took a deep breath. "Keep this between us?" she pleaded, her eyes begging as much as her voice did.

"Give me a reason." he replied slowly, sitting down on the side of the bed.

She sat up slowly, sighing deeply. "It changes nothing. I am the same person, with the same mission. It would only complicate things if they knew. I swear, Bones, I am nothing like him, like them. I..." she hesitated for a long moment. "I stand apart."

McCoy let out a harsh breath. "I can't keep this from the Captain. He needs to know."

"Why?" she grabbed his forearm with her hands. "What difference does it make?" she was shaking his arm now, not sure if it was anger, fear or desperation. Possibly a mix of all.

She could see the indecision in his face. Such an expressive face. If only she could trust him like she could his counterpart.

She shook her head and squeezed her eyes shut. "If there is ever any doubt of my loyalty, I have no problem with you telling him. But unless you have a reason, please don't. Give me a chance to trust you again." the last words a mere whisper that flowed into a long moment of silence, only interrupted by the regular sounds of the multitude of medical instruments surrounding them.

Why had she even thought of giving up the hint about her heritage. She had thought that Spock had figured it out. Him being Spock, and all. But as she had done so oftern the short time she had spent on the ship, she had assumed. She really had to stop doing that.

Slowly she raised her gaze to meet his eyes, afraid what she would find there.

"Damnit girl, you ain't making this easy! Alright you win. But I want to hear your story. All of it. You want to trust me. Show me that I can trust you too."

A smile tugged at her lips and she felt like she could burst. She fell forward and hugged the grumpy doctor for all it is worth. "Thank you Bones."

He patted her on the back, then gently disentangled her. "You know it freaks me out that you call me that." he stared at her for a long moment. "Did I have a... nickname for you too?"

She bit her lip, contemplating telling him. "You called my Te. You did that when I first woke up in sickbay too, I believe."

He thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I think you're right." he smiled softly. "I think I need a drink."

T'vari couldn't help herself. She giggled. Then she pressed a kiss to the doctor's cheek and hopped off the biobed. "So, am I cleared?"

"You're cleared. Anything to get you out of my sickbay right now." He moved towards his office. "But don't think I won't hold you to that story. Just... not now." he waved her off.

"Don't worry, I won't." She grinned at his retreating back before leaving sickbay, almost skipping towards the bridge. "Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad day after all.

As always, make my day! I will need it on night shift!


	9. Chapter 9

This is gonna be a short rant. Seeing as I didn't seem to have gotten a single review... :/ Not that the last chapter was really exciting or anything, but it did push a little at her story. Not much, I agree, but the story would get real boring real quick if I told her story right away. Anyways, here's the next chapter, enjoy, and don't forget to review!

She had lost weight.

Not just weight, muscle mass. In the time she was under the good doctor's supervision, she hadn't been able to work out properly. She didn't like that. She felt... lazy.

So her steps took her, instead of the bridge, to a recreation room, one where she would be able to get her body moving agian.

She was glad to see the room was empty, for she wanted to warm her body up slowly, starting with an easy, standard routine of movements, concentrating on the way her muscles streched with each new fluid move, her eyes drifting close as her mind zoomed in on her body, her steady heartbeat, her low breathing.

With each new repeat of the routine she added more advanced movements until she was truly loosened up, a good workout to get back her stamina and precision.

She heard the door swish open and turned around, her eyes falling on the seemingly attached at the hip Lieutenant Sulu and Ensign Chekov. She smiled at them.

Sulu raised his head, a big smile lighting up his features. "So, did he finally let you go back to normal?" he asked, amusement obvious in his voice.

She grinned back, waving lightly at the young russian. "Yes!" she streched her arms over her head, bending her back in all directions. "But I'm so out of shape now!" she almost whined.

The asian man clapped the younger one next to him on the shoulder. "Need a sparring partner?"

Her eyes glowed. "Oh, yes! I need a good workout!"

Sulu already moved into the room, taking off his uniform shirt as he went, thrusting it at Checkov's form behind him.

She might have been mistaken, if it wasn't her job to notice such things, but the blonde teen was ogling Sulu in no more than his black tank top and Starfleet regulation pants which, she had to admit, hugged those well trained legs very neatly. Not that she would notice such things. She turned away slightly, hoping her cheeks weren't flushing green as the young russian's were pink.

She grabbed at her back only to realize, she didin't have her weapons with her. She slapped herself mentally. How could she not have taken them along? Soon enough she remembered just who she had been visiting before she had come here and forgave herself. Bones wouldn't have appreciated her wielding blades around in his sickbay. She smirked.

As Sulu began to warm up under the wistfull eyes of the young Ensign, she excused herself and quickly made her way to her quarters. Once inside she went straight to adrawer, pulling out the top shelf, to reveal an arsenal of blades, throwing weapons and blasters, phasers and asorted guns. Her fingers gently brushed over her favourite dagger before grabbing 2 sword hilts. She clipped them to the back of her pants, grabbed her cloak, which covered her nicely, hiding most weapons if she wore them, and with a nice hood that would render her completely unidentifiable and even invisble, if she hugged dark corners.

She had made it a habit long ago to always wear it when runnign around armed on board. Those who knew her would know she was armed. Those who didn't, wouldn't be scared by seeing her flaunt her arsenal around.

As she returned to the rec room Sulu just about finished his warm up routine, grabbing his own extendable sword and positioning himself confortably in the sparring area.

She nodded at him, removed her cloak and threw it at the still attentive Chekov. He caught it with ease, folding it and placing it next to Sulu's shirt on a nearby table.

T'vari took her spot opposite Sulu, unclipped her sword hilts and extended 2 shortswords at her side.

Sulu's own blade unfolded itself, held in front of him in a kendo style stance.

She felt her lips being tugged back in a grin. She knew she looked feral.

"Game time." she growled as she attacked, full force, at the same time the human stepped forward, blocking her swords with his own, metal crashing against metal, the vibrations of it going all through her arms into her shoulders.

The blades slid past each other and they both jumped back befor coming back together in a lethal dance of blades. She loved these sparring sessions with was the only one she could be herself with. What he lacked in strength he made up every ounce by his technique, his willpower and his agility. Not many were able to boast they could take her on when she meant business. After all, she was raised as a warrior. She had learnt from youngest age how to fight, how to use her strength, her speed, how to not be vulnerable, no matter how outnumbered she was.

One thing her adoptive family had done for her was make her strong.

She was breathing hard, standing with both blades held out at her sides, her back hunched, her eyes narrowed in concentration. He was also breathing hard, sweat covering his body, his face red from the blood pumping through his veins, driving by his fast beating heart.

She rolled one shoulder in a half shrug, tossed her hair back and relaxed her stance. She knew when it was time to quit. She knew the exact moment when Sulu would stop fighting for the fun and start doing it in obligation or because he didn't want to appear weak. She smiled, retracting her blades, bowing her head in thanks for the fight.

He did the same, smiling back at her, still breathing hard.

"It's always a joy sparring with you. Thank you for this opportunity." she said solemnly before turning to the russian, greatfully accepting the towel he held out for her, giving him a grin in thanks.

She whiped her face, brushing a stray strand of hair back as she surveyed the room, only now realizing that they had gotten quite an audience while they had been so focused on each other and their fight.

"You vere great, Hikaru!" she heard the enthusiastic voice of Chekov as he handed his friend another towel.

Still smiling softly to herself as she discarded the towel, she noticed another figure stand in the back of the crowd, watching her intently.

Her eyes wandered. make that two, but the stoic form of Spock was already half way out the door before she could as much as blink.

The other one, however, was still staring at her intently. Were she anyone else, such scrutiny would have unnerved her.

As it was, she felt a long overdue conversation was about to be had.

Clipping her swprds back at her pants she grabbed her cloak and moved towards the man standing with crossed arms in the shadows of the room, his back leaning casually against a wall.

"Captain." she nodded, standing next to him to survey the rest of the room.

There was a long moment of silence. "When we first met, on Delta Vega, I was greatful for your saving my life." he spoke slowly, deliberately. She could taste the 'but' as if it was a living entity.

"I was not aware" he continued after a heavy ladden pause, "that I was introducing such a lethal weapon to my ship."

"Technically, Jim, she was not yours at the time. She was Spock's." she corrected him gently, leaning her head back against the cold wall, closing her eyes to hear the rest.

"A minor setback." she could hear the smirk that tugged at the corner of his mouth. He pushed himself off the wall, turned around to look at her. "I have to know I can trust you. I don't mean trust you to keep him safe." he waved a hand dismissively. "I already heard all that."

He sniffed almost indignantly, looking aside for a moment, before continuing. "I mean I have to trust you to not turn on this ship or her crew." His blue eyes were piercing her own dark ones.

She stared back meaningfully for a long moment and then nodded slowly.

"I will, always, put his life above all else. But..."she interrupted is reply before it left his mouth." by extension, the thing that is most important to him, both of them, is the Enterprise. her crew, and her Captain. And that makes them my business too. I do promise that, if I have a choice, I will always act in the best interest of all of the above. Should I have to use force," she held up a hand, "for any reason, I will always try to use the least amount nessessary."

She pushed off the wall, effectively moving into his space until they were nose to nose. "That is all that I can give you." she said evenly, her eyes daring him to get in her way.

He took a deep breath, scanning her eyes for something. Then he nodded. "Fair enough." he replied, stepping away from her. "I probably know more about you than any other person on board of this ship. I am not sure that makes me feel too good." he murmured. "Seeing as I barely know anything at all."

A smile tugged at her lips. "You know as much as I think you should, I have told you that before. Rather than trying to avoid talking about the wrong things, silence is sometimes the more logical alternative."

He frowned in annoyance. "Now you sound like Spock again."

She raised an eyebrow. "He is my mentor."

He looked at her exasperated. "Talking about stating the obvious."

She smiled softly. "I know."

And with a slight nod and a bow she excused herself, removing herself from the rec room, the crowd and the young Captain for the solitude of her quarters. She had been eager to get out of them. Now, she was already eager to get back.

Some days it would have been easier to stay in bed. Then again, she would have also missed out on all the fun. She grinned to herslf as she shrugged out of her clothes, feeling the first signs of the workout burn through her muscles, to step into the sonic shower. And she wouldn't miss the fun for all the confrontations in the world.

Review. Don't make me beg for it :/


	10. Chapter 10

Update! Finally! :3

In case I haven't mentioned it yet, night shift sucks . I'm almost running out of already written material and with my current life going sleep - work - desperately trying to get to sleep with the sun up - sleep - work, I just don't get around to write. But, only one more week, then it's back to "normal" evening shift (15:30-02:30) with plenty of time to write before the sun comes up yay \o/

**Ac Colins: **More, as ordered :) I'm glad you still like the story although it seems digressing a little, it would have wquickly become boring if not for the variety of characters. And I love playing with them :3

**Koryu Elric:** Guilty as charged :x I didn't read it over, I admit. I just posted it 5 minutes before I had to leave for work. I'll go back and proof-read it... eventually. Probably after night shift has ended. :3

**Theatre Phoenix:** That one is simple: She came with Spock (the older) :) I got the whole thing that happened in the old timeline in my head, just waiting for teh appropriate time and setting to drop the bomb.

**TwighlightAngel101:** /blush thank you. Here's more! :3

As she stepped onto the bridge she wasn't sure what to expect.

Her shoulders were tense, straight as an arrow, as the turbolift doors opened.

She strode in on long legs, feeling a bit like jumping into unfamiliar waters. Then again, after what she had been through, everything had to change.

She noticed that she had zoned out when her eyes fell onto the main screen, seeing familiar alien faces staring back at her.

She stopped in her tracks, every muscle in her body coiled, her breath leaving her in a great whoosh, her lungs denying her the intake of new oxygen. The room seemed to move, like an old fashioned ship must have felt like. As feminine arms grabbed her by the shoulders she realized, it wasn't the ship that was moving. It was her. She had swayed, her eyes almost rolling up in her head, knees buckling.

Silently she berated herself. This was no way to react to the faces of her tormentors, who were nowhere even close. It was just a projection. She clenched her jaw, found her footing and looked over her shoulder to thank the person who had caught her.

Her raven eyes linked with a pair of warm, brown ones. Very familiar, only that they were gentle now, not glaring daggers at her from across the room.

The communications officer smiled weakly, but let her go and T'vari nodded her thanks before returning her focus to the conversation in the middle of the room.

"We had to make sure that alligning our forces with the Federation would be equally beneficial."

She glared at the grey face on screen,the subtle accent in his voice making her skin crawl.

"There was, and never will be, reason to torture someone, who reaches out a hand in genuine friendship." The Captain had learnt much about diplomacy, she noted, his voice barely letting his discontent and anger show. Unlike the hand behind his back which was clenched so tightly, she could see bone through skin.

Her head rose slightly. Some would call it defiance. Others pride. She just had the urge to convey that they had not broken her, had not shattered her spirit or her loyalty.

She wasn't sure if she was trying to convince her captors, the crew around her or herself.

She stepped down from where she still stood near the elevator, outside the view of the aliens. As she approached the Captain, calm and collected, drawing on all her vulcan training, she nodded once at the Captain. "Reporting for duty, sir."

Kirk looked at her, head slightly tilted, nodded as his eyes gentled around the corners. "It's good to have you back." he said, for the moment completely ignoring their advesaries.

She positoned herself to Kirk's left, 2 steps back, just close enough to be a reminding presence on the screen. Her hands wrapped around heach other behind her back, waiting.

The young Captain turned back to the aliens. "You were saying?"

yellow eyes flickered between the Captain and T'vari for a moment, obviously made nervous by her presence. "We were saying that we had to be sure your people were as you claimed. We can not ally ourselves with the weak. I am sure your crew member will understand that." now those eyes were trained on her. All eyes were trained on her.

She said nothing. Her knuckles, however, became as pale as Kirk's had before she had broken the tension.

"My crew member" he turned slightly to aknowledge her from the corner of his eyes "could have done without the near death experience and prolonged torture and mistreatment."

There was definite distaste in his voice now. She couldn't really blame him.

"The Federation will not ally themselves with those, who act in such a manner againt so many established rules."

Now she blinked. What was he doing? She wasn't worth loosing this possible ally over. Granted, she never wanted to set foot on that planet again, or even see, hear or smell one of those aliens ever again, but that didn't mean they couldn't be an asset, couldn't learn. She looked instinctively at Spock, hoping he had noticed it too. Hoping he would intervene.

She could hardly go and play advocat for those devils. Didn't mean it was logical, what the Captain did.

Spock's unreadable gaze was locked onto the Captain. She could see the hesitation, just a short moment, but on him that could have been a lifetime. She almost smiled.

Spock stepped down to Kirk's level, leaning over his shoulder to speak quietly in his ear. "Do you think this is wise, Captain?"

The look on the human's expressive face spoke volumes. He couldn't understand, that Spock was willing to keep open channels to them. He looked at her, at T'vari of all people, for help. She swallowed, then stepped in to add her own thoughts to the conversation. "Captain," she said quietly, looking him in the eye intently. "as much as I would prefer to eradicate every single one of those beings" there was a lethal edge in her voice, softened only by her low tones "I am not reason enough, logically, to cut off all communication with them. They may have a different culture, but isn't it a human saying that it is wise to keep your friends close, but your enemies closer?"

The Captain looked between them before nodding slowly. He turned back to the screen. "As you have... disposed of our appointed Ambassador, shall we postpone our talks until we can organize a new one, who is willing to negotiate between the Federation and your people?"

She could hear his teeth clenching. She felt the same way. but she stood, forcing herself to relax, looking dispationately at the aliens.

"Very well Captain. We shall await your message... eagerly." the alien bowed a fraction of an inch, in T'vari's opinion more in mockery than respect, and the transmission was cut off.

The whole bridge exhaled, the tension that hung in the room slightly dissipating.

"Lieutenant, send a message to headquarters. We need a new Ambassador her, asap." the blond man sat down in his chair, turning it around to look at her. "I want all the details, you hear me? Go" he waved a hand seemingly dismissively. "somewhere you can think and make a report in as much detail as you can. Everything could be important." he paused, a smile tugging at one corner of his mouth. "We won't be taken by surprise again."

His words were laced with a steely conviction that made T'vari shiver. She nodded and turned towards the Turbolift again. She knew where she would be going.

As the lift doors closed behind her, her knees buckled and gave way, forcing her to lean against the wall of the room, taking deep, gulping breaths.

Damnit she hated being weak! She straightened her clothes, pushed herself off the wall and took one last calming breath as her inner chronometer told her that she had almost arrived. When the door swished open she took long strides to the privacy of her quarters, to get her PADD.

Please make me smile review!


	11. Chapter 11

Whee, update! :D

Finally off night shift too! \o/

Thanks as always to my lovely reviewers, for the last chapter namely **twilightangel101 **and **Koryu Elric**, I know when I start repeating myself, so this time a simple /hug to you guys and also a thank you to everyone who has read the story up to this point! Even if you didn't review (maybe this time? *winkwink*)

The room was dark around her. Only a small lamp stood on the table next to the bed she was leaning against. Her pulled up legs supported her PADD, which she was staring at intently.

She had lost track of time long ago, even her inner clock had stopped counting since she had hidden herself away in this room, so bare, yet so familiar.

She licked her lips, deep in thought.

Some tiny part of her told her to move, to get out, get some food into her and some rest. Her legs were stiff, her back aching, but she barely noticed. What was a little discomfort against the torture she had endured? The torture she vividly relived over and over, trying to squeeze as much information our of as she possibly could.

She felt useless. She should find more information in her memory. What she had dug up so far, both with the help of meditation, mental practices and every ounce of willpower she possessed, seemed useless to her for the task at hand.

Another would try to negotiate with those beings. She swallowed thickly against the lump in her throat. What if they failed too? What if they got killed, or hurt, because she couldn't remember something crucial?

She squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head roughly to stop her thoughts from wandering into dangerous territory.

There was not much to tell. She remembered the stone cell, the bare floor, cold and dirty. The water poured over her to keep her from slipping into a trance, or unconciousness, or both. Those unearthly grey hands, skin rough like sandpaper, harf carrying, half dragging her through bare corridors.

Yellow eyes, scrutinizing her, staring at her, scientifically cataloguing her every move, her every reaction.

A metal chair. So cold. Her feet chained to the legs, her arms bound behind her, locked to the floor behind the chair, held apart by a metal rod, effectively suspending her in place.

Water running into her eyes, burning, blinding her.

A strange, round object pressed to her neck, over her central nervous system.

Pain.

Her pen dropped out of her shaking hand, clanging loudly on the floor in the silence of the room, walking her from her nightmare. She jumped a bit, staring at the offending piece of plastic for a long moment before releasing a breath she hadn't known she had been holding. One shaky hand brushed the stray strands of hair out of her face.

She let her head fall back, her eyes sliding slowly shut.

She moved her head this way and that, loosening the tense musculature in her neck, her shoulders, her vertebrae cracking loudly, before leaning back over her PADD.

She felt the movement before she heard the sound. The door to the room she was in opened.

She was not surprised. Not really. Sooner or later someone had to come looking for her. Not that she would have made it easy for anyone other than someone who knew her. Then again, who knew her these days, anyways?

"The floor does not appear too comfortable, Varikam."

Her head snapped up. That voice. That name. She was scared to turn around, a name on her lips. "Spock...."

Her voice broke, a thin, fragile thing. A hope that should not have existed.

"It is I." that voise said, softly,

T'vari jumped up and turned around, not trusting her senses. "Spock!" She drank in the sight that was her mentor, her friend for enless decades. She moved towards him. "What... but... how? I... why?"

His fingers reached up to silence her, fingers brushing her lips in the barest of touches. There was a sparkle in his eye, telling of friendship, of laughter, happiness. Something his younger counterpart was not yet ready to express, to allow even to himself.

"I am the ambassadorial replacement." he explained now, dropping his hand.

She blinked. "But... I thought... aren't you supposed to be on New Vulcan?"

Instead of answering he placed his hands behind his back, looking past her into the darkness of the room. "I was the nearest available person with training and experience enough to be trusted with this mission. Others were either... indisposed, or too far away to get here in time."

She nodded slowly. "They are afraid."

"And rightfully so, if the reports are to be believed." He looked ateadily at her.

She held his gaze, taking a deep breath. "They are." she rasped, barely audible.

He shifted, just a little bit this way, his arms just spreading from his sides ever so slightly. She was in his arms before either could take another breath.

Her arms wrapped around him, locking him in a tight embrace. His arms came around her as well, holding her tight without appearing emotional.

She closed her eyes and held on tight for a moment, then let all the stress, fear and anger go. "I missed you" she murmured into his robe.

"And I you, Varikam." he murmured.

She smiled and reluctantly let go.

He motioned at the PADD forgotten in her hand. "May I?"

She handed him the object without hesitation.

He sat down on the bed. "Lights. 40%." he ordered and the lights came up to reading level for him.

She kneeled down next to him on the floor, looking up at him with anticipation, a little bit nervous. His opinion meant the world to her. If he believed she could have done something different, something better, he would not hesitate to tell her. But if he decided she hadn't failed him, failed them, then everything would be good.

As she watched him read she noticed those subtle changes in his facial expressions. The loss of all mirth, the dimming of the light in his eyes, the tension in his jaw, the deepening in the lines between his eyebrows.

She lowered her eyes to her hands, which were fumbling with the hem of her sleeveless top in her lap. She didn't like to see him like that. Knowing that she was the source of his distress.

He let out a deep breath, lowering the PADD as he finished reading her report.

She could feel his gaze burning into the top of her head. She forced herself to look up. There was so much emotion in his expression, she almost reeled from the intensity of it.

There was love, shared pain and, dare she interpret it thus, respect.

"This is quite a report." he said, placing the PADD on the end of the bed. "Quite an ordeal. I am... glad that you are alright."

She smiled sadly. "Not quite alreight, yet." and she told him everything. Her extended stay in sickbay, her episode on the bridge, her insecurities and bloodlust, her difficulties meditating lately and the dreams, always the dreams.

He just listened as everything poured out of her, bottled up for so long. But really who could she talk to, now that he was not a constant in her life anymore? No one really knew her like he did. No one really knew her at all.

They saw a warrior, a fighter. A vulcan. A freak. An alien.

A danger.

But, she had chosen that path long ago. It was alright.

"You should get some rest, Varikam." his hand was resting on his leg, wrapped in her own, lithe ones. She looked at the bed with distaste.

"I can't make myelf lie in it. I fear to shatter the illusion."

He looked at her questioningly, one delicate eyebrow disappearing beneath his hairline.

"While i sit on the floor, I can... pretend, that you are here. I can pretend that you will be back soon from the bridge or from a chess game with Jim. But if I lie in it..." she shook her head slowly, her voice breaking. "It will become real that his is not really our rooms. That... you have never slept in this bed. It's all just an illusion."

"An illusion is never as good as reality." he admonished her gently.

She glared at him. "My reality at the moment sucks." she said drily.

The old vulcan sat up. "So you prefer the illusion of our old quarters over the reality of my presence?" Now both his eyebrows disappeared, silently mocking her as he pointed out the flaw in her logic.

She blushed a vivid green. "No! I..." she hung her head. "I meant before your arrival." she murmured in apology.

"Then shall we merge your Illusion and this reality?" he said as he moved, sitting down at the top of the bed, back pressed against the side wall, producing another PADD out of his robes. He settled into an age old routine and T'vari grinned broadly as she understood what he wanted. She climbed onto the bed next to him, stretching her cramped body languidly, resting her head on his thigh.

As Spock started to work on, what she assumed, was every bit of information on their current mission and the aliens she would love to banish to the deepest recesses of her brain, his free hand began brushing over her hair.

She almost purred in content, loving the feel of those dextrous hands on her scalp. She closed her eyes, yawning softly, and soon she felt herself being drawn into sleep.

"And when you are rested sufficiantly, we shall find something for you to eat. You are but skin and bones." he murmured, his hand's carress softening the reprimand.

She nodded sleepily. She really had been exhausted.

And for once, the dreams stayed away.

Ah my gawd, so many typos . Man, I'm glad I proof read this chapter! I think that should wbe worth a line or 2 :3 *points at shiny button*


	12. Chapter 12

I feel like shouting "Surprise!", but no one seems to have been all that surprised at the arrival of my guest of honor. :/ Anywho, here's the next part, I have only one more part written out so if you want me to continue putting an effort into writing more, give me a shout, wave, salute, vulcan greeting or binary code in the revierw section. Updates might be slower if you don't, if at all forthcoming. Anyways, here comes conflict :3

There was a buzzing feeling to the entire ship as T'vari made her way to the bridge the next morning, feeling like herself for the first time since they had set foot on the hellhole of a planet below.

Everyone was busy, like a beehive in season.

She actually had to dodge people who were hurrying down the corridors, focused on whatever it was they were doing, planning, transporting or moving towards.

She usually didn't have to dodge, there was a certain , dare she call it respect? More like animosity, fear even. She was a foreign element. She was not Starfleet. She was not Federation. She was... different. But strong. And it was that quality that was both admired and feared within the ranks of personel on board the Federation flagship.

She didn't mind being different. She had always been, ever since she was but a child. She was also used to striking fear in her enemies and aquaintances alike.

She was not used to being afraid. A feeling she had only recently come to know intimately. She could now say easily, that fear was not on her list of friends.

The turbolift opened before her, releasing her onto the bridge, which was almost in uproar. Spock, the young one, was leaning over the Captain's chair, in deep conversation with Kirk, who for once looked deadly serious.

Her steps brought her up short on the other side of the Captain. "What's having everyone so on edge?" she asked quietly, having the full attention of the comanding officer as well, as his second in command.

"We received a communique, at 0600 hours, that the Riitians expect our new representative on the surface." Spock unfolded himself to his full hight, back straight, hands wrapping around each other behind his back. His eyebrow was arched, as his gaze looked her up and down, before locking with her eyes.

The Captain scratched his chin. "Do they really expect us to send another team down there, after the disaster of the last time?" he murmured.

"I am ready to beam down, Jim."

T'vari's head whipped up, as she turned on her heels, staring at the older Vulcan. "You are not going down there!" she growled. Her eyebrows were thrust together in a frown, glaring intensly at the impassive face of her mentor, who, without any display of emotion, simply raised an eyebrow.

Everyone froze. Breaths were held, not sure what to expect. It seemed as if the Enterprise herself had seized to watch the scene unfold.

She stared at him, as he stared at her. "I'm coming with you." she stated, matter of factly, as she forced her muscles to relax, stretching her shoulders, daring him to deny her.

"I think not."

She blinked. Her head turned towards the source of that voice, staring into another pair of unfathomably dark eyes. "Excuse me?" she spat, incredulity all over her features.

"You should not go back down there. After recent events it is the most logical solution for you to stay away from the negotiations. You are a risk factor."

"I'm going." she said, her voice deadly calm. "Or he is not going." she motioned at the elderly ambassador behind her.

He looked at her as if trying to make her see reason. She rolled her eyes. "Two of them" she muttered, turning towards the Captain. "Captain, it is your decision..."

"Oh no, no no no, don't get me involved in this, I have no stakes in this." he raised his hands defensively. He turned towards the front screen. "You sort this, by tomorrow, and tell me what it's gonna be. Then, we'll go from there. Mr. Spock,"

Two vulcan eyebrows rose at the same time.

"Yes, Captain?"

"Yes, Jim?"

The young human rubbed the bridge of his nose, fighting an oncoming headache. "My sience officer. You are dismissed from duty until the three of you have this sorted. I don't want to see you on the bridge, unless you have come to a solution."

"Captain, there is no need for that."

A hand in midair stopped him. "Just do it. That's an order."

"Yes Captain." she could almost hear the sigh in his voice. She would have found this amusing, if she wasn't so pissed off at him right now.

She turned to the turbolift, got in and waited for her two Vulcans. Once they were inside she looked at them. "Gentlemen, where shall we discuss our unfortunate stalemate?"

The two men looked at each other. A long moment passed.

She sighed. "My quarters it is." and punched the destination into the turbolift controls.

Leave some binary code to let me know if you liked it!


	13. Chapter 13

Okay this chapter was a pain to write. . Between night shift, lack of sleep and everything else going wrong that could go wrong, I have finally been able to complete this chapter \o/ go me! heh~

Thank you all again for your awesome binary code, commonly known as "Reviews"! They are very much appreciated and keep my enthusiasm up about seeing this thing through!! I have finally gotten past a mean phase of writer's block coupled with having to write an action chapter (which is so not my strong suit .)

**Theatre Phoenix: **I do try to mention who is talking, which is at times hard, especially with 2 versions of teh same person present. It does sound clear to me in my head, and I try to make the way they speak help with giving you an idea about who says what, but it is an ongoing issue I am struggling with. Well observed :D

**Koryu Elric:** Your binary code has been received and given me a boost to get past my writer's block! Thank you so much 3

**No.1 Victim:** Thank you to you, as well, for your kind words! Here is more! :3

"The Captain's response was most irrational ." the younger Vulcan said as he seated himself at T'vari's desk. The Ambassador had taken up the comfortable chair next to the small coffee table, while the girl plopped down on her bed, facing the two men. A small smile tugged at her lips at Spock's obvious irritation.

"Of course, He is James T. Kirk." the older Vulcan responded calmly, as if that explained everything.

"Of course he is." replied his younger counterpart. She could almost hear the sigh in his words. Her lips twitched as she tried to get them to behave.

A long silence descended upon the dark, warm room. Unable to take it anymore, T'vari spoke up. "So, how do we solve this dilemma?"

"That is simple." again the younger man spoke up, focusing on her. "You are not going."

She sighed, closed her eyes and shook her head. "Not going to happen, Spock. I have to go."

"You are a security risk, down on the planet." his ever calm tone could have fooled her, but there was a tenseness in his shoulders that she couldn't quite place.

"I am the one who saved your hide down there last time. The Captain's, too, if you will remember." her voice deepened to an almost growl. She quickly clamped down on her rising irritation and tried to reason logically.

"After your ordeal last time, they will try to use you against us. Have you forgotten your reactions to the mere sight of one of them, on the bridge?" his harsh words cut her deeply, but she couldn't let him know, had to remain calm and collected.

"It is only logical, Spock. He has to go," she pointed at the quiet man, who was watching their confrontation calmly. "so I have to go. I know him better than anyone. I can read him in a way no one else can. I will know when I am needed and when not. Every small nuance of his motions is ingrained in my very being. I have protected him for a life time. I will not let you stop me from doing my job!" she was standing now, voice raised and eyes blazing. She had it with stubborn Vulcans.

He looked at her for a long moment.

She sat back down, deflated, all the energy leaving her. "I have to do this." she pleaded, looking up desperately. "In these last weeks I... I have grown intimately aquainted with fear. Bone deep, terrorizing fear. I don't like this feeling." She brushed back a few stray strands of hair from her face. "I have to do this to prove to myself that I can overcome it. That I can look past the fear I feel everytime I hear a sound that reminds me of that room. Every shiver that runs through me when I hear their voices. I have to. Or I will remain a slave of my fear."

Their gazes held for a long moment. Then the officer ground out "You almost died the last time I retrieved you." his voice was harsh, raspy. His eyes were burning into her like two black suns, scorching her very soul.

She swallowed. Then her muscles relaxed, her face going soft, a hint of a smile on her lips. Now she understood. The tenseness, the stubborn refusal to give in. He was worried.

"Thank you, Spock." she said fondly. After a short pause and a quick glance at the older, still silent man she added softly. "You'll just have to come and get me again, if all goes to hell."

"If you go, so will I."

Her mood went from gentle to murderous in 0.3 seconds flat. She glared at him. "You will not."

"I can not let you risk this mission and... the Ambassador's welfare, out of an emotional urge to prove yourself." she almost missed the hesitation. Almost.

Closing her eyes she took a calming breath. Upon opening them again she looked directly at the young sience officer. "You are my anchor. If you come with us I do not know if I can do what I am trying to do. I need you here, on the Enterprise, able to get me out, if I fail. If we fail." she swallowed. "Please, Spock." she implored him.

For a long moment no one moved. It seemed even the ship had momentarily stopped breathing in anticipation. Then the young vulcan stood abruptly, turning precicely towards the door, shoulders so tense the muscles were bulging under his uniform shirt. "I shall inform the Captain." he said stiffly, coldly, and left.

T'vari looked at the closed door for a long time, anger warring with fondness in her heart. She knew how hard it must have been for the young man to relent, to let go of all control of the situation. Her logic was sound, all details considered. But that didn't mean he had to like it. Even a Vulcan didn't have to prefer the logical solution. He just had to follow it's path.

"I see you have him under control."

The gentle voice of her mentor pulled her from her thoughts. She turned her head, stood up and moved to stand in front of the older man in one fluent, graceful motion. He raised his head to look back at her,

"I wish." she murmured, her hand raised ever so slightly, itching to brush away the hair from the Ambassador's forehead.

His lips twitched, ever so slightly. "You would be disappointed if he didn't present a challenge."

She smiled, her hand continuing it's journey to his temple, gently brushing his skin, ever so lightly. "I had a good teacher." she breathed, focused on the strands of grey hair between her fingers, the small patch of skin she had grazed. She tranquility she had felt upon the contact.

"May I make a personal observation?" he asked, his eyes tracing every line of her face.

Her eyes focused on his. "When did you start asking permission for that?" her eyes shone with laughter.

He looked at her for a long moment before answering. "I believe you have aged, since we last met."

She blinked at him, the strands of grey slipping through her fingers. "I have what?"

He nodded slowly. "Your physical appearance has changed since I last saw you. Very subtle, I concede, but undeniably there, if observed by someone who was out of contact for some time."

She swallowed. "What do you think that means?" she rasped, her throat suddenly dry as sandpaper.

"It means that the effect is wearing off. That you will be able to have here, what we could never share." he reached up to take her wrist carefully into his hand, pulling her fingers away from his face.

Her thoughts raced at transwarp speed, her fingers trembling as her lips quivered. She focused on her breathing, pushing all thoughts aside to get a grip on her emotions. "I had lost hope in this. Are you absolutely certain?" she looked at him, afraid he would take her hope away from her, yet uncertain how to deal with the situation.

He nodded slowly. "See for yourself." and he pressed her fingers against his face, her hand automatically searching for those pressure points, a wave of emotion running through her as their minds connected.

All at once she was surrounded by warmth. Familiarity. But there were new thoughts, new memories, some she could not place. That must be New Vulcan. There was his father, side by side with him, long evenings of conversation, of scientific discussion and personal talks. A simple stone with vulcan engravings on it, standing on a hill overlooking the valley where the colony was built. The rocky earth of a lighter shade of red, with a hint of yellow, than what she was used to from Vulcan, and there was more vegetation in the distance. She focused on the stone, reading the words engraved there. It was his mothers memorial stone. They had gotten away with it by claiming that, as she was human, she deserved a human token.

She had to smile. It was a beautiful thought and a beautiful spot. She couldn't have picked a better place herself.

Something tugged at her mind, gently coaxing her into a new direction. Blury images of people she knew and people she didn't know, places they had been, distant thoughts of adventures long forgotten. And then she was back in her room, sitting on her chair, staring up at a young woman, herself. Through his eyes she could see the subtle changes. The more mature form of her face, the barely visible stretch of skin over bone, it all painted a picture she had not expected to see. She had aged.

Slowly she backed away from the scene, withdrawing gently from his mind, easing back into her own. Separating her mind from his was not easy, especially now, that she had been craving this form of contact for so long. And knowing that she wouldn't be able to feel it again made her reluctance an almost physical object to overcome. She forced her mind to let go of his and as she opened her eyes, a pair of dark eyes looked back at her, glowing in the dark.

Perhaps he had missed her too?

She bit her lip, removing her hand from his face, the tips of her fingers brushing his skin for a long moment after the contact of their minds had already been severed. "We should..." she rasped, clearing her throat, "get ready for the mission. I am sure the Captain will want to get this underway as fast as possible." she turned away, moving towards her weapons cabinet. "And so do I. If only to have it done with."

He nodded silently, visible to her only in the corner of her eye, and left for the bathroom.

Time to get ready to face her tormentors.

Leave some binary! My soul feeds off it!


	14. Chapter 14

This is a short one, it actually ran away from me :o Spock just wouldn't behave :/ Ah well, it may be considered OOC, but srsly, I'd never get anywhere if he didn't crack at some point!

Again, **Koryu Elric**, Thanks for your review, I'm always happy to hear the story hasn't started to deteriorate catastrophically! :3

Every muscle in her body was tense, leaving her standing as straight as an arrow next to the transporter platform. her senses were in overdrive, adrenaline stampeding through her veins. She barely listened as the ambassador discussed details of the mission with the Captain, who had decided to personally see them off.

The door swished open, and T'vari almost jumped out of her skin, her eyes locking onto the younger Spock's own, unreadable gaze. A short glance at the talking men and his attention was focused solely on her. "May I speak to you for a moment." it was a request, but barely. He inclined his head, communicating without words that he'd rather have the relative privacy of the hallway over the crowded room they currently occupied.

She nodded jerkily and followed him into the deserted hallway, it being the middle of the night, ship time.

For a long moment he stared at her with that unreadable gaze, standing in her personal space. She didn't think he even noticed that he was crowding her, let alone that his body seemed to lean towards her. She held his gaze, waiting for him to speak.

Then his lips were on hers and she was drowning in the sensation. The kiss was harsh, demanding, a stark contrast to the soft, warm lips against her own. He tasted of spice and something uniquely him, something she couldn't, wouldn't even try to analyze. There was also the underlying taste of fear, worry for her safety, and a solid assurance that he would catch her, if she fell. FIguratively speaking, of course.

Her head was spinning as he slowly pulled his head back, both of them opening their eyes to stare at each other, gazes simmering with emotions alien to them. To him more so, thatn to her, she realized. She swallowed hard.

His hands were pressed against the wall on either side of her head now, leaning over her, holding most of his weight.

Her breathing was ragged, and it occured to her, that he had kissed her their way, like humans would, all messy and... she really didn't know how to describe it, and dropped the thought, focusing instead on the very real man in front of her, all around her. She breathed in his scent, his breath hot on her cheek as he opened his mouth, his voice dipping low into an almost growl. "Be careful. Focus." his eyes burned into her. "We will talk when you return."

She swallowed hard and nodded.

He pushed himself away from the wall, collecting himself behind is usual mask of indifference. With one curt nod he was down the hallway and out of sight.

T'vari collapsed against the wall behind her back, closing her eyes, telling herself to take deep breaths, steady her hands. She pushed away, straightened her shoulders and returned to the transporter room.

"Ah, there you are!" the young Captain exclaimed. As she drew near he added, more quietly "You really think you can do this?"

She nodded confidently. Yes, she could. She had a reason to. She smiled softly to herself. The bastard, for all that it had cost him to act as he had, he had known what he was doing the moment he set foot in the direction of the transporter room.

She felt a familiar gaze burn into her from across the room. When she looked up she found the ambassador give her one of those unreadable gazes. She allowed the smile on her face to widen reassuringly.

She was not sure but she might have also been blushing. She focused back on the human in front of her. "Can we get this over with, please?"

Kirk nodded and turned to Scotty while T'vari and Spock moved into position. The engineer grabbed a piece of equipment, small enough to fit in the palm of his hand, and threw it at her. Reflexively she caught it and investigated it with interest.

"It'll let you know if they raise those wards again. At least it should. It's a small project of mine." he explained.

The young woman nodded and smiled. "Thank you." then she focused at where all her weapons were concealed. She was not going down there unprepared, this time. And she still wanted her disruptors back. "Let's do this!"

And within moments she was bathed in the familiar hum of the transporter, disappearing into white light.

Binary code, people! It's soul fodder! *points*


	15. Chapter 15

Okay, this chapter... is a bit... rushed. This is where I was stuck in writers block. I had to change stuff or I was going to run in circles. I'm not entirely happy with it although I think the fighting part came out quite well, especially concidering that I such at fight scenes ^^ I'm not making promises, but we may not have seen the last of them. I have a few ideas floating around in my head concerning these aliens, I just don't know how to apply them.

Also, thank you all so much for reading and escpecially those select few who have taken the time to review. I love you all!

**Koryu Elric:** I am so glad that you approve :3 That was all Spock's idea. I had planned a much more toned down scene!

**bunnychica9: **Here you go, more, as wished. Thank you for taking the time to drop me a line! :)

**Names don't define who we are:** Very interesting name. Long name too! Me like! :3 Anywho, Thank you so much for your kind words, they made my work day so much more bearable! /hugs

**StanziWood:** *hands over more* there you go! There shall be more lustiness in the future, too! I just have to get the story there first!

They were standing inside a round structure, columns raised in a circle, connected by a ring of stone at the top end, an open view to the surrounding area.  
Just like the previous time, they were surrounded by flat, dry ground, away from any major fortifications, but this time, she noticed at first glance, there was no forest in sight that they could retreat to. Neither were there any ruins. Their hosts were learning quickly.

That thought sat like a heavy weight in her stomach. It also made her even more aware of every movement, every sound. Or the absence thereof.

It was eerily quiet.

And then suddenly everything went really fast.

From behind the stone pillars stepped guards, filling up all the spaces, stopping them from going anywhere.

And right in front of them stood the alien she had seen on the screen up on the ship. The same alien she had seen during her time in capture. And he had her guns.

She was hyperaware of the guard moving towards her back, a confident air surrounding him. He was sure of himself, that he could take her on. He was definitely underrestimating her.

She forced herself to stand calm, eyes locking on the ambassador, who looked like it was a calm, sunny afternoon and he was taking a stroll in the park. Typical.

He too had a guard advancing on him, ready to apprehend him should he make a wrong move.

The vulcan shook his head imperceptibly and addressed the leader of the group. "This is not necsessary, I assure you."

"Surrender your weapons." the voice was cold, and heavily grating on her nerves. She surveyed the situation. There was the guard behind her, and the group leader with his 2 guards flanking him. All the other guards were far enough away not to be immediately dangerous to her health. That left the guard behind Spock. She could only go for either the leader, or the second guard.

Her fingers twitched, itching for her swords. Or, prefereably, her guns. Her eyes fell on the leader's hips, where her precious disruptors dangled, like great war trophies. Taunting her.

She squinted menacingly.

Spock spoke up again. "I do not think that to be wise."

And then, in a heartbeat, a loud catawailing sound penetrated the whole area. It originated from her belt. T'vari sighed. "Oh no, you didn't." she ground out, seizing the moment of confusion and swinging her body around to connect her calf with the side of her guard's head and sending him sprawling.

Next she went into a crouch, unsheathing her swords and rushing forward at the group of 3 in front of her. They drew their weapons.

She was standing in front of the leader before they could aim at her, the guard to his right falling to the ground, clear, yellow liquid oozing from his neck as he fell to his knees, clutching at the wound. The guard on the left was unable to do anything but stare at her before collapsing in a heap of entrails.

Pain shot through her right knee, but she ignored it as she used her momentum to position herself behind the leader, sword pressed to his throat.

She looked down at her knee. She had been shot from a strange, sideways angle. Upon scanning the area she found that the guards surrounding the area had guns too.

"Lower your weapons or he dies!" she said loudly, eyes traveling from grey face to grey face.

Spock, she noted, had taken out his own guard, by neck pinch from the looks of it, and was standing impassively where he was. looking at her calmly. He nodded at her.

"Lower the shields." she growled into the ear next to her face.

"No."

She pressed the blade closer to his neck. "I don't know your anatomy but I am quite sure that severing your head from your shoulders will do a decent amount of damage."

He moved a hand. The wailing sound stopped.

"Tell your people to retreat."

She thought she felt him swallow. Then she heard a number of clicking sounds. She surpressed a shudder. She had heard that before, when she had been captured. A red haze clouded her vision. Her heartbeat sped up. She fought it back and reasserted her grip on the alien.

As she surveyed the area again she noticed that the guards had all retreated beyond shooting distance.

"Good. Now, you may be a hot shot on this planet, but you have messed with the wrong people. You just flunked your chance at becoming part of a great organization. Don't ever cross into our teritory or you will see exactly what we are capable of. Think about it, I have singlehandedly turned this ambush around. You are no match for us."

She slowly eased her swordarm away from his throat. "There, I think you still have something of mine..." And she sheathed her swords, grabbed her guns from his hips and hit him over the head the the butt of it in one fluent motion.

Only then did she look back at Spock, frozen to the spot. She nodded at him and he unhooked his Communicator.

Soon, she felt the familiar hum of the transporter deep inside her bones.

Reviews are love! Be spontanious! Drop me a line!


	16. Chapter 16

Oh, this is a long one, at least from the story telling point. So much happening all at once! *rubs hands excitedly*

For those who haven't heard yet :3 I'm now on Twitter! I know I update slowly, but if you can stand my occasional moans about work, cries for sleep and reviews of movies/games I come into contact with, I will actively post there about my writing progress and updates to the story! So if I haven't scared you away yet, here's the link:

/Varikam

Now this is the second chapter in a row that I have received many generous, awesome reviews! Thank you all so much! *hugs*

**bunchychica9:** WHOO \o/ HERE'S MORE!

**Koryu Elric:** I have to admit I was rather proud of the way the fighting scene came out. I was picturing every move in my head for the 30 minutes it took me to get to sleep each night for 3 days until I figured it out. :3

**Names don't define who you are:** I do like the name :) Just don#t take it to heart that I'll copy paste it from now on. :P I don't think it should be shortened really, Nddwya doesn't have enough vowels for a human name. Unless, that's your secret :o Back to meeee . I'm glad you liked the chapter, I hope to put more ass-kicking in there in the future, but that is still a bit off. Life changing events have to be savoured. Or rather, suffered.

**StanzyWood:** *squeeeeeal* I'm so very very happy that you like her! I wasn't sure if I could create an awesome character that does not slide too much into any clichees or isn't likable in the end! Thank you so much for your support!

Now, back to the story :3 We are delving into the past, and we are paving the way to future drama \o/

She was standing on the transporter platform, disruptors still held by her sides, adrenalin pumping in her veins.

Kirk was just making his way back into the room, a look of open surprise on his expressive face. "That was quick." he quipped, taking in the two arrivals. he stood next to the controls and crossed his arms over his chest expectantly.

It was Spock who spoke, T'vari being in no condition to hold a normal conversation. She was still battling the mixed emotions churning in her stomach. "Indeed, Jim. As expected it was merely another trap to lure us into their captivity. Why they should choose such an illogical path, we may never know. But I believe it is safe to say, that the diplomatic relations between the Federation and the Riitians have come to a close."

The young Captain's chest heaved in a sigh. "Great! Thank you Mr. Spock, T'vari, I think our work here is done, let's get out of the system, report to headquarters and allow all of us to breathe easier." He rubbed his hands, a big grin on his face. "You can give your account of the details later, you should get cleaned up first, I think." he wrinkled his nose, looking the goo covered woman up and down.

Her eyes were fluttering, never remaining in one spot, trying to take everything in while the mind was so pre-occupied she barely realised there were people in the room with her.

She felt... pumped. Feral. The red haze of violence still pressing in on the corners of her mind. At the same time she was exhilerated. She had bested her fear, had defeated her nemesis, had taken back what was rightfully hers. Her beloved disruptors as much as her psychological freedom. Yet, she felt strangely hollow, like she had let everyone down by resorting to violence instead of letting her mentor find a peaceful, diplomatic solution.

She was so confused.

The Captain had already left by the time she became aware of a hand on her shoulder, a well known profile next to her ear. "Go to sickbay and let Dr. McCoy have a look at that leg." he spoke softly in her ear, yet sternly, the tone in his voice allowing no discussion on the matter.

Her eyes flickered to his face, meeting his eyes for just a moment before touching his shoulder. She nodded jerkily and slowly made her way to sickbay, favouring her right leg just barely.

The pain was a welcome distraction, and with every step she took her mind cleared so that by the time she arrived at sickbay, she had reigned in her raging mind. She would have time to meditate on everything later.

A nurse ushered her to a medibed before going to call the doctor. While she was alone she looked down at herself, whiping her goo covered hand on her cloak. She pulled a face when her hand came away, pulling strings of the clear yellow liquid like molton sugar after it.

"By God, what happened to you? Is that... goo?"

T'vari looked up and was faced with the rapidly approaching form of no other than Dr. Leonard McCoy, staring at her sorry state. She pulled a face. "It appears that our hosts bleed clear yellow. And that the blood coagulates into a sticky goo."

He wrinkled his nose. "And smells like roses."

She smiled half heartedly as he handed her a towel to clean her hands. "But that is not why you have come to my sickbay, is it?" his eyebrow was raised in a near perfect imitation of her favourite Vulcan. Vulcans.

"I am here because I have been ordered to." she grumbled.

The doctor looked at her expectantly. "Because..."

She let her head hang back, eyes raised to the ceiling. "Because I got hit in the knee."

"There, that wasn't so hard now, was it?" he said affectionately, patting her leg. He then surreptitiosly wiped his hand on the biobed and tried not to make a face before grabbing his scanner.

"I have been waiting for your next visit, actually." he said converationally, a smirk on his lips.

T'vari stopped trying to clean herself up in favor of looking at the doctor quizzically. "Why would you do such a thing?" she asked, cocking her head.

"You promised me a story." he looked at her from the corner of his eye, still mostly concentrating on his scanner.

Her lips formed a silent "oh" before she shifted her weight uncomfortably. "You remembered,,," she mumbled.

He glared at her. "Yes, I remember. And you had better deliver." he growled.

She raised her hands defensively. "Of course! I promised after all..."

"Good girl. Now spill."

She glared at him as she made herself comfortable on the biobed. "Right. My parents were scientists. They were ordered to investigate a peculiar planet, off the beaten path. At the outer rim of the then known territory. And of course, they couldn't leave their small daughter behind for a mission that could easily take a couple of years, so I was along for the ride. It was just me, my mother and my father and a small ship equipped with state of the art scientific equipment, rudimentary shielding and no means of defense. As we arrived at the planet my parents started scanning the atmosphere and surface right away, excited like children when they get a new toy. That being said they did not look in the other direciton and the next thing I remember we had crashed on the surface, and I was an orphan."

Images flashed in front of her inner eyes, memories long forgotten, of the smell of burning flesh and the screech of overstrained metal. Of the feeling of shock and heat, the burn of dirt in open scrap wounds and a buzzing sensation in her head. Of voices in the distance.

"On the planet lived a... primitive people. They had a clan like structure, pre-industrial, a warrior race. One clan had been alarmed by the thing falling from the sky and had come to investigate. I was lucky as they took me in. They raised me as one of their own. I must have been about 5 earth standard years by comparison. I am not sure."

"You are not sure how old you are?"

She looked up, peeved at being interrupted in her train of thought. "If you are as old as I am, counting time becomes secondary. And I was just a child when I lost all contact to my old life."

"Right, sorry." he went back to his instruments before turning back to her. "Just how old are you?"

She smiled at that. "At a guess I would say at least 150 earth standard years."

There was a long moment of silence as the doctor openly stared at her. "You look good for your age."

T'vari cleared her throat. "Yes, as I was saying..." she looked at him meaningfully. "This was a peculiar little planet. I was raised as one of the clan, taught how to hunt, to defend the village. I was strong, much like a vulcanoid compared to a human. They made use of that. I..."

The ddor to sickbay opened that very moment with an angry hiss and in came a very livid communications officer.

She pointed at T'vari, closing in on her fast. Once she came to a halt she spoke: "You! You promised!"

T'vari put on her gameface. "I do not know what you are refering to, Lieutenant." she spoke calmly, holding eye contact with the emotional woman at all times.

"You promised to stay away from him." she accused.

T'vari took a slow breath. "I did no such thing. I promised, that I would not take him away from you. And I have not. Any contact was made by him. And I told you, I would not deny him if he came to me." she lowered her eyes and shook her head. "I am more of an enigma to him, an interesting mystery to be solved and unravelled. But neither you nor I can sway him, once he makes up his mind." she looked up again sharply. "I will not push him away. Perhaps you should initiate counter measures to his interest in another female."

Abruptly she slid her legs over the side of the bed. "Are we done here, doctor?"

McCoy wisely just nodded and took a step back to allow her to stand up. As she stood next to the human woman she stopped, staring straight ahead. "You should consider what it is that you can give him" she paused meaningfully. "that I can not."

And without waiting for a response she left the room. She didn't like hurting the young woman. But she was sure Spock had come to the same, logic decision she had reached. And she knew, Spock was still strongly influenced by cold, hard facts.

review. you know you want to *waves hand in jedi mind trick fashion*


	17. Chapter 17

I really don't have much to say about this chapter. It's another interlude, pushing the personal storyline, while giving everyone a moment to breathe deeply before we jump back into the bigger story that, recently (for me, you haven't read it yet :P) got even bigger and scarier. For both me and T'vari. I do hope you will enjoy this chapter, I very much did writing it :3

**bunnychica9:** THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE THERE MORE! \o/ YOU'RE WELCOME! :3

**StanziWood:** I have to admit that I feel sorry for Uhura, her character was well eveloped in the new movie and the 2 of them are quite good together. I just really couldn't let him go. I tried. For a long time. ^^; And yes, it's not Jim. It was originally planned to be him, but I had the same thought. Not again. And the chemistry between Bones and T'vari just clicked when I started writing! Not Jim, indeed. You made me laugh out loud at work. Strange looks I got! Thank you for that :3

**BreeHime:** I am very happy to hear that you like the story so far, as well as T'vari. Can't reveal too much about her yet, but the important bits will be revealed soon™! For now, here's another chapter with our beloved vulcan!

As soon as she was hidden away in her quarters she went to take a long shower, scrubbing the goo and the stench of the aliens out of her skin.

For some reason she felt disgusted, scrubbing more vigorously and more prolongued than originally intended. Still, when she left the bathroom, wrapped in only a towel, her skin was scrubbed to a strong olive color. She scratched her upper arm absentmindedly, gazing at the empty room. A shiver ran through her.

This was most unexpected. And most annoying.

She was supposed to feel good, having overcome her demons, having bested her adversary. Not disgusted with herself, hollow, defeated.

She shrugged off the feeling of despair in her gut when the door chimed. A small smile fluttered across her lips. "Come in, Spock:"

The doors opened to admit the calm presence of the younger of the Vulcans, stoic as ever. As the door swished closed again his eyebrow rose in it's familiar fashion. "You were expecting me."

It was not a question. T'vari inclined her head. "A conversation was left unfinished."

A short moment of hesitation. "Indeed." he moved further into the room, to where her mirror stood. "I assume that you have resolved your... inner turmoil?"

She swallowed, gaze flickering to the ground. "I... believe so."

"You hesitate."

She glared at him before staring off into space again. "I have based my assumptions on faulty logic." she explained carefully, trying to grasp her new inner turmoil in a way he would understand. She wasn't even sure she did.

"How so?" he picked up her brush, delicately, looking at it for a long moment.

She took a deep breath. "I assumed that, by besting my adversary, everything would return to how it was. But, that is life, is it not? Things change. Outside influences change us."

She sat down in front of her mirror, gazing into it as Spock wordlessly began combing her hair again.

"It is a scientific fact that what has been seen can not be unseen." he said stoicly, while the fingers in her hair spoke volumes of a tenderness he was unable to portrait openly. She closed her eyes, enjoying the feel of his ministrations before she spoke again. "Hm... yes. I was so sure of my place in the universe for so long, I had forgotten about this. But now, that everything changed, so, inevitably, do I."

"You are confused by these new... sensations."

Her eyes opened slowly, focusing on the dark gaze directed at her in the mirror. "Yes."

For a long moment neither of them spoke. A form of silent communication seemed to go between them, a deep understanding.

T'vari broke the contact first, lowering first her eyes, then her head to look at her hands in her lap. She still felt like peeling the dirt off her arms but only rubbed across her skin.

Spock's warm hands left her scalp, much against her wish. But it was not like she could tell him to keep going. What he had given her this day was already so much, a precious gift she would cherish, knowing she might never receive again.

With the contact, and the spell, broken, she slowly looked up again. "Lieutenant Uhura seeked me out earlier."

She was surprised at the firmness in her voice, although she was barely whispering. In the mirror Spock's eyebrow disappeared beneath his hairline.

"She is not willing to let you go without a fight, I believe. She accused me... of stealing you."

Spock cocked his head slightly. "It is not possible to 'steal' someone from another person."

T'vari closed her eyes to keep from rolling them. "It's a figure of speech, Spock. It means, she thinks I am actively trying to get you to notice me and break up the romantic relationship you share."

"You do not..."

"I know!" T'vari interrupted him, throwing her arms into the air. "But she feels threatened in her position and she will lash out at anything she sees as a danger to her status in your life." she got up and turned around, looking deep into Spock's eyes. "I explained to her that I am not influencing you actively. And that it is your decision."

Spock tried to say something but T'vari cut him off, raising two fingers to his lips reflexively. She stared at them for a long moment, while his eyes were focused intently on her face. Her voice was small, almost breaking, as she continued. "I have come to that conclusion, too, Spock. It is the logical one." she swallowed and looked up. "But you must consider another factor. And I beg you, do not take it lightly." she paused. "I can take your rejection. I..."

His hand came up to wrap long, strong fingers around those still gently resting against his lips. He plucked them off, slowly lowering them, but not letting go. "I understand. You fear for the... emotional state of the Lieutenant, should I break up our current engagement."

T'vari turned away, but was tugged back to look at him by the hand that was still attached to her palm. She felt herself loosing control. She had to get space between them or she would crack. Emotions could be so bothersome.

"I understand your argument, T'vari. I will consider it."

She nodded mutely, then pulled back her hand. "I... am rather exhausted. I shall retire now." she moved towards the bed, loosening the towel, back turned. "Should you decide to leave, please seal the door. I will add your voice print access in the morning."

She dropped the towel and slid under the covers, rolling onto her side. Her eyes fell closed immediately but she could still feel his presence, heard the almost imperceptible slide of clothes as he bent over to pick up the towel she had dropped.

"Sleep well, T'vari." he said softly, before retreating to the bathroom, assumably to dispose of the towel.

She never heard him come back, quickly slipping into the world of her subconcious mind.

Review please 3 and if you want frequent progress updates, have a look at my Twitter page! user name Varikam!


	18. Chapter 18

Okay, this is a short one. So I'll likely update again soon. Every time i think the story is winding down a new plot bunny bites me, forcing me to keep going. :D So right now I have written the next segment of story, and will launch into yet another chapter in her life. Her journey is far from over! \o/

As always thank you so much for your lovely reviews!

**bunnychica9:** wow you are so fast with your reviews, I don't even see the chapter online before you deliver 3 thank you for your enthusiasm! HERE'S MORE! YAY!

**BreeHime: **I am really glad I skirted around the usual mary-sue traps. Had I failed, I don't think I would have kept going as long as I have. Here's more for that addiction! :3

**StanziWood:** I expect pocky and fireworks in my mail by the time my new PC arrives! :3

She couldn't move, her arms bound at her sides. Cold water was dripping off her hair, into her eyes, down her cheeks, making her shiver.

Darkness surrounded her. Within the darkness stood a figure, hidden, unmoving. Something was wrong with that person.

Someone barked questions at her in a language she understood. A language she hadn't used since she had come to this new timeline. But why was it important?

"My name is T'vari. I don't know the answer to your question. I can't, I will not... Who... who are you? Who are you!" she struggled to free herself, her bonds cutting deeper into her wrists, making them slick with her own blood. She had to know! She had to!

And then all of a sudden she was on her back, staring right into black eyes, her arms held firmly between herself and her attacker. No, he wasn't attacking her, she realised. He was talking to her.

She blinked away the last remnants of the dream.

"T'vari, wake up. You are having a night terror."

His stern yet strangely neutral voice pulled her all the way back to reality. She made her muscles relax, forcing herself to take deep breaths. As he released her arms she sat up, tugging her bedsheet around herself.

"I... apologize, Spock. I... had not expected... any more dreams." she rubbed her face in the palm of her hand.

Spock sat down on the side of her bed, looking at her quizically. "You have had these... dreams... since your time in captivity?"

She nodded slowly, not meeting his eyes. "At first they were violently vivid images of the time down there, of... what was done to me." she licked her dry lips. "Then it ebbed away, but I haven't had a full night's sleep since then. I had hoped..." she sighed.

"You had hoped that with your actions today everything would go back to how it was before."

She swallowed and nodded, head stooping even lower.

"And lately, these dreams moved into a different direction. Less... violating, more... as if there was something I should remember. Something, that I forgot. Or maybe never realised. I just..:"

Spock stood up, moving to the other side of the room on silent feet. "Have you tried meditating over it?" he asked as he returned with a cup in his hand.

She turned her head away in shame.

Spock stopped in his tracks for a moment, then resumed his position on the edge of the bed, holding the cup out to her. The smell of her favourite tea curled around her, calming her instantly. "You have not slept or meditated sucsessfully since we arrived in this system." it was no accusation. Just simple fact.

His hand was still holding out the cup to her so she gingerly took it, wrapping her numb fingers around it's hot surface. She nodded once, then took a sip of the hot beverage, letting it warm her from the inside.

"I can assist you with your meditation, if you wish."

For a moment she actually considered it. She wanted it, to be that close to him, that intimate. She wanted to loose himself in his mind, his essence. Instead she forced herself to shake her head. "I explained it before, did I not? I do not wish to influence you with my knowledge of your... other... life."

"Then speak to my counterpart. I am sure he will be willing to assist you in my place."

She bit her lip. Never would she subject him to the horros she had gone through. "I will consider it."

He looked at her for a long moment. "You will not influence me, if I do not wish to be influenced."

She smiled sadly. "Oh, but I will." She shook her head again. "I can not meld with you until you have made your decision." she looked up. "I promised not to influence you in that decision. I am a woman of my word."

He nodded slowly. "I will regard the matter with utmost urgency." he stood. "Do try to rest. We will be leaving the sector as soon as my counterpart has been debriefed. There is nothing left for you to do ."

She smiled softly. "Thank you Spock."

He bowed his head curtly and left her alone.

It was a long time until she finally closed her eyes again.

Hit me! Reviews! OM NOM NOM


	19. Chapter 19

Okay so this is the introduction into the next part of the journey, hence it is not all that long, but it needed to be done to allow for the flow into the next couple of chapters.

**bunnychica9:** YAY! MORE HERE!

**StanziWood:** Pocky and Fireworks \o/ whooo. I'm getting an Acer Touchscreen with big hd and ram! And did I mention it's a touchscreen? :3

She was woken again from her restless slumber, this time not by her own twisted mind, but by the very real sound of yellow alert blaring through the entire ship.

She sat up abruptly, blinking rapidly to focus her eyes as well as her mind.

In one swift motion she stood and dressed in her favourite leather synth pants, tank top and boots, grabbing a hair band on the way out the door.

She tied her hair together high above her neck, stray strands still hanging into her face as she began to run towards the bridge.

Once inside the turbo lift, which was luckily empty except for her, she tried to straighten her clothes, focus her mind, as well as catching her breath. As the doors hissed open in front of her she squared her shoulders and entered the bridge.

There had been no doubt in her mind that Spock would beat her to the bridge. She didn't know how he did it, but he would always be the first on the scene, bent over his work station, a slight frown of concentration marring his brow.

Hikaru was just settling into his station as the door to the second turbo lift opened, admitting a disgrunteled Captain Kirk, hair mussed from sleep, uniform shirt rumpled and obviously from the previous day. As he moved to his chair he barked: "Status report!"

Yes, he was one grumpy man. She couldn't blame him. She would so much rather crawl back into bed herself. Then again, she doubted it would do her any good.

Spock turned towards the front of the room, answering in his usual calm. "We have received a distress call, from the Ko'rack system. A ship is stranded after an attack by an unknown perpetrator."

Kirk rubbed his face vigorously. "And I assume we are the only ship in reach?"

"That is correct, Captain."

A groan escaped the blond man as a yeoman stepped up to hand him a cup of what T'vari assumed to be strong coffee. The Captain accepted the cup with a thankful smile and took a sip. "Alright then, Mr. Sulu, please get us to the location of the distress call right away. Lieutenant Uhura, signal the ship that we are coming to their help and will be arriving in..."

"Less than 20 minutes, sir." Hikaru Sulu supplied as his fingers danced over his console, changing course for the Ko'rack system.

Kirk nodded. "Maximum warp, Mr. Sulu."

"Aye sir. Maximum warp." and soon the stars turned into stripes, the ship's hum changed to a higher pitch and the slight lurch of suddenly moving at faster than light speed settled in her stomach. It was probably nothing she could help with anyways, but she had learnt in the past that everything can change really fast and only because she was not needed, didn't mean that Spock wouldn't have to do something that he needed protecting for. She shrugged mentally and settled in for a long day.

"Mr. Spock, what can you tell us?"

"The Ko'rack system is on the far edge of Federation space, used frequently by ships to travel quickly between Federation and Klingon systems as it is on the brink of both. We have not identified the ship yet, but the distress signal is automated and we do not know how long it has been sending."

The Captain nodded. "Thank you Mr. Spock. We will see what we find once we get there."

Spock nodded mutely and turned back to his station.

T'vari was thinking about what Spock had said. Klingons. This Kirk, while surely not happy about the brutish warrior race, had not yet any reason to hate them. If ever. She was worried that she couldn't predict his behavior in case of contact. It had always been quite clear with the other Kirk. But even an angry Kirk was easier to deal with than not knowing what he would do. He did have quite the reputation for being unpredictable for all but the ones who knew him best. And, she realised, she was one of two people on bord who did know him. Better even, than he did himself.

She would have to be on her toes if it came to any contact with the Klingons.

review please 3


	20. Chapter 20

So many short scenes lately . but it will get better... sort of. Anywho, here's the next chapter :D

**BreeHime:** How dare you not rev... cookies! *munch* And yes, you are a very antentive reader 3 picking up on all my hints and stuff! The aging thing is mostly her background story, and I tried to tell that through Bones, but the plot bunny kept running away and i never got to tell the whole story. i will either add that to this story at some point or maybe add it to a prequel (still got to write her into the movie after all :P) But yes, all your questions should be answered... at some point... I hope... if I don't get distracted by yummy Spock again! :o

Just a simple rescue mission, they said.

We'll be in and out in record time, they said.

And why did Spock have to go along? Right. Because he wanted to find out what was causing the interference with the scanners. And the transporters.

What could ever go wrong.

Perhaps the fact that her head hurt like the morning after a bottle of genuine romulan ale. Or that she didn't even want to contemplate the substance her cheek was pressed against on the cold metal floor. Or the fact that she couldn't see a thing.

A soft groan escaped her as she sat up, trying to keep the throbbing in her head to a minimum.

She tried to remember what had happened. Slowly she remembered the blow to the head, the sound of phaser weapons and the sight of 2 humans and a vulcan collapsing in heaps further down the dark, rust covered hallway.

Great.

Feeling her way around the room she was in she found a wall and slowly followed it, all the way around 2 corners before bumping into something warm. Upon closer inspection by her hand, she found it to be a leg. Slowly following the leg she found a deeply breathing torso. The fact that he had not responded yet made her think he might still be unconcious. Until a hand reached up and grabbed her forarm.

"You are awake." said the very familiar, and very calm voice of none other than her protectee. Not that she had done such a good job about it.

She shook her head. No time for that. She had to find a way out. Fast.

"The door is halfway down the wall to my right. It can not be opened from the inside. There has not been any contact since I regained conciousness."

T'vari sagged down next to Spock, shoulders hanging. "So we are trapped."

"It would appear so. We will have to wait until the situation changes."

The girl nodded silently, wrapping her arms around herself, staring into the pitch darkness of the room.

A shiver ran through her.

"You are cold." the young vulcan commented matter of factly.

T'vari shook her head, despite the darkness. "No, I... I just have a really bad feeling about this."

"You have a theory as to who our captors are." she could hear the raised eyebrow, the interest in his scientific mind.

"The last thing I saw... before we were captured. It was a smear of yellow, sticky liquid on the floor of the corridor we were in." almost unconciously she scooted closer to Spock, until her shoulder leaned against his gently.

"You believe the Riitians are behind this trap."

T'vari shrugged. "They must have had help, but yes, my findings suggest, that they are involved."

"A reasonable theory. We will have to investigate it further once our captors make contact."

T'vari slid down slightly, leaning her head on his shoulder instead.

"Do you know what happened to the Captain and Sulu?"

Spock shook his head. She felt the movement, her heart sinking even lower. "I hope they are alright..." she whispered.

"Captain Kirk is a remarkably resourceful man."

T'vari nodded again, against his shoulder, and closed her eyes. At least that way, the darkness seemed natural.

Inside her head, her mind was screaming.

Although it's short it drives the plot so yeah~ more coming soon™ In the meantime *points at review button* ö.ö


	21. Chapter 21

Okay, this chapter is... short. Very short, I know. And it has been ages since my last update . I'm sorry!! But there are reasons. Good reasons. *nod* Very good ones, in fact. The reason the chapter is probably the shortest chapter yet is that I didn't want to go into detail with what happens between this one and the next, which would have been inevitable, had i decided to merge them into one. The reason for my reluctance to update is... well... dread. This chapter and the next are by far the darkest ones I have written. And I have been busy lately, so I was unable to delve into the next couple of chapters, which would make me giddy with wanting to get you guys to catch up! I will definitely add the next chapter soon, not sure beyond that, really gotta get back into the story line...

**BreeHime:** So sorry to keep you waiting! Don't hate me for what's to come please! .

**KatRyan: **3

She was almost relieved when they came for her. The waiting was worse than anything they could have in store for her.

She had been right, the Riitians were involved. Two of them grabbed her and half dragged, half carried her down multiple corridors until they reached another bare room. She was dropped unceremoniously on the floor, where she tried to find her footing. Her head was still swimming from the blow that had knocked her out when they had been captured, but she was able to stand and limit herself to swaying slightly.

She set her jaw to force herself to stand still, unable to use her hands to steady her, as they were encased in heavy metal shackles, bound before her.

The door opened and T'vari stood straight, as dignified as she could muster. She might be scared, but no way was she going to show even a fraction of that fear. She had been taught by the best, after all.

In came a figure, shrouded in darkness, but she identified the uniform right away and had to surpress a groan. Why did it have to be Romulans? Again?

And what did they want from her? She would have understood it easily, in the other timeline, but here? She hadn't even crossed paths with them yet.

"Prepare her." said a suprisingly female, surprisingly familiar sounding voice. But, as her arms were pulled up and suspended via chain to a beam above her head, leaving her hanging with her toes barely touching the ground, she couldn't quite place it.

Until, that is, the figure stepped forward, out into the dim light of the room to reveal an eerily familiar face. She looked older, with hair cut in the regulation empire military cut, framing cold eyes and a hard set of lips.

A gasp escaped T'vari against all her attempts to hide her reaction. This elicited a frosty smile to pull up the corners of those lips, but it never reached her eyes.

"Welcome, T'vaar." she spoke.

A shiver run through T'vari. "I have not heard or used that name in a long time." she responded.

The older woman crossed her arms across her chest. "You even discarded your name? Not enough to abandon the Empire, to band up with the enemy?" there was such hatred in her voice, a hatred T'vari would not have thought possible to pass from those lips. Her own lips.

She glared at the older romulan. "I did not 'discard' my name. The people on the planet I grew up on couldn't pronounce it so over time it evolved into my name as I use it today."

She cursed herself the moment the words had left her lips. And the frosty grin on her opponent's face made the blood in her veins freeze over.

"Good that you mention that. I have heard rumors that you... got your gift from somewhere outside the Empire." her voice was iron, wrapped in silk. Dangerous, seductive.

It could have been her, she suddenly realized. Had she not crashed on that planet, orphaned and alone, she would have grown up a Romulan, and not only that, she would have become the woman, who now stood in front of her. It seemed impossible, the thought itself utterly ridiculous. How could anything make her into what this woman represented, what she was?

T'vari cleared her head with a shake. She had to focus.

"What do you want from me?"

"Isn't it ovbious? I want to know why you don't look a day over 20."

T'vari blinked at that, confused. She frowned. "Wha...?"

And then the other woman was in her face, hissing menacingly, eyebrows drawn so deep into her face it made her features look demonic in the darkness of the room. "Give me the secret! Or I swear you will wish yourself back into the hands of those insects!"

T'vari set her jaw, clamping her lips shut. She glared right back at the other woman, defiant. Let her try.

Uhm... Surprise? Drop me a line please! If you don't hate me yet .


	22. Chapter 22

Okay, so this is the continuation of the last scene and, in many ways the hardest to write. Hence the length of it. Or the lack thereof. But I promised another update after the last scene, so her goes nothing. I really didn't want to drag this out by adding more details. You'll know what I mean once you read it.

**BreeHime:** Give the girl a cookie! Yes, your concludions are correct and I can assure you, even after this chapter, we will see more of T'var (which is the name I use for the non-prime version. It was the first draft of her name so I picked it back up in the last scene :3)

**Agent007Tomato:** I am glad to have caught your interest! The fact that you stuck with it until now says a lot! The idea is that Spock Prime is more like a father figure than a lover, circumstances, ettiquette and all that prevented it from progressing into anything more. Now she has a second chance and Spock Prime knows that. But that is a topic for another story.

Without further ado, and another plea to not be hated by the end of the chapter, on we go:

Staying concious was not easy anymore. Her arms hurt from hanging by the wrists, blood running down her skin from various cuts and abrasions of all forms and sizes, dripping into a slippery puddle beneath her toes, which had been relieved of their shoes. Her cheekbone swollen from the initial beating as well as discolorations in every shade of olive and copper marring her skin.

Her head leaned heavy against her arm, trying to stay upright, but she was so tired. They had left her hanging there after a long day of torture, repeating the same questions over and over. She really just wanted it to end.

She felt the darkness press in on her mind again, licking her torn lip with a dry tongue, grimacing when even that small motion rippled through her body in waves of agony.

She heard the door open behind her as her conciousness lost the battle, only to be violently ripped from oblivion in a rush of cold, stale water.

She shook her head clear, coughing violently, as she hung there, her head a heavy weight against her chest while every gulp of air burned in her lungs. She was sure she had some broken ribs that were poking, if not piercing her lungs. She was quite sure, also, that she would not make it much longer.

"I have a surprise for you." said the cold voice of her adversary.

T'vari twitched once, then tried to raise her head to show she was not broken. No amount of pain would make her admit to anything. But, as her head slowly rose her eyes fell on the figure before her, just out of reach but in plain sight, arms tied tightly behind his back, on his knees, looking up at her impassively as ever.

Her eyes widened in fearful realisation and she began to struggle, pull out the last of her reserves in one futile attempt to get to him.

"No..." she rasped, barely above a whisper, staring pleadingly at the older woman. They could not do that. "Not him." The words escaped her in a whimper and she squeezed shut her eyes, unable to take in the reality unraveling before her.

"Look at him!" the kick against her legs jolted her, making her eyes fly open. "You may be able to withstand torture, but will you allow him to suffer for you?" and she turned to one of the Riitians and nodded.

The hunched creature picked a tool from a metal table near the back wall, a table covered in items that T'vari had become very well aquainted with over the time of her capture. She shook her head frantically. She was failing her mission. She was supposed to protect him, not let him be tortured on her behalf!

Spock was looking up to her as the creature leaned in, not flinching as he went to work, gaze locked on hers unwavering.

She screamed for him.

"Tell me, little girl, what is your secret?" the cold voice whispered in her ear.

And as Spock showed the first signs of pain, of being pushed to his limits, she felt it, deep inside herself. She broke.

"I don't know!" she screamed at the top of her lungs, sobs wrecking her body. "I don't know..." she repeated again, a mere whisper. "We never found out."

She got a slap against the back of her head, in her condition enough to make pain dominate her very thoughts. But she didn't care. She knew, as sure as she knew that her blood was green, that the other woman, the other, who was what she could have been, had found her breaking point and had applied pressure until she had cracked.

"Then give me the location of that planet of yours!" she hissed, grabbing her hair and pulling, making her look down at Spock, who was now breathing heavily, his rigid posture slightly askew.

"I don't know. I was just a child when we crashed. When I was recovered, I was barely able to remember what a spaceship is... I didn't ask for the coordinates and I never went back." her voice was flat as she said this. She knew she had failed in every possible way.

"Now let him go."

There was a growl next to her ear, a movement of a hand in the corner of her eye and then her hair was leleased and her head dropped, welcoming the blur of black intruding on her field of vision as her curtain of hair hid her face.

There were drops running down her neck and cheeks. If it was blood, sweat or the leftover water from the wake up call earlier, she did not dare contemplate.

Within moments she blacked out completely, sure it would be the last time.

Review please! My muse needs sustenance!


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